


Snowflakes

by marvellover_16



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky/OC - Freeform, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-05 16:45:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6712924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvellover_16/pseuds/marvellover_16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based after Captain America: Civil War, so beware of SPOILERS. Snowflakes. They can be beautiful, but dangerous. When Sharon's friend Zoe arrives on her crutches, her leg injury is not the only thing that she's hiding. Unwilling to let anyone in, will Bucky cause an avalanche or make something beautiful when he meets Zoe? Does contain some strong language and some smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wrecked

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE OR THEIR CHARACTERS, I ONLY OWN THE PLOTLINES AND MY OWN CHARACTERS

SPOILERS WILL BE IN THIS NOVEL FOR CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR! Don't say I didn't warn you :p

Four years after the events of Captain America: Civil War

Zoe's P.O.V

I leant forward on my crutches as the lift in Avenger tower pulled me upwards. This was probably the closest I'd ever be to Heaven after all I'd done. I was definitely a long way away from home, home being England - not Hell, surprisingly.

The lift itself was panelled with gold and elegant designs swirled on the ceiling. I couldn't have expected anything less from Tony Stark if I'm honest.

I leant back on the wall - my right leg, well my hip as that was all that was left of my right leg that was me - was aching. I guess getting blown up had a few disadvantages, temporary blindness etc... But I think it was the being blown off the edge of the cliff which did it for me. Of course, I'm not complaining, I mean look at the bright side, I flew for at least a whole minute before hitting the ground, well... Fell with style. Now after six months I was stuck on crutches, who knows maybe for the rest of my life. But I know others have it far worse than I do, then again they have it better they don't have to live one massive lie.

I flexed my right ankle - it moved just like any other limb but it felt different to me, foreign. No, it felt cold it was the limb of a mindless killer. I moved my jeans to hide the now glinting metal, no one could see what I was, what I had become. My leg which was no longer me. My blood wasn't either but- The lift pinged open as I shrugged the thoughts away. That was the past and this was the present, and who knows what the future would hold. I swung forward on my crutches into the empty living room. Well I could definitely say I was in the right place, there was no other Avenger tower in Manhattan.

"Surprise!" Sharon jumped out from behind a sofa. Great. Her blond hair perfectly tousled and a large smile on her face.

"I don't like surprises," I mumbled, pushing my hair out of my face. I needed a hair cut, my hair was nearly to my waist.

"Well tough, it's your birthday!" She embraced me in a light hug, her arms gentle and her body an inch from mine. She was being careful not to knock me over. What was I now, fine china?

"I won't break Sharon," I laughed, letting my crutches drop to the floor, pulling her closer. "See, it takes a lot more to break me - not bombs, not shrapnel, not war. I'm tough as nails."

"How are you going to stand now?" Sharon stepped back from me, holding my arms as if I'd fall over if she let go. If only she knew...

"I don't know." I winced as I straightened my right leg, putting weight on it. The pain actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, there was no physical pain at all, it was all in my head. I grinned. "Like this."

Sharon quickly picked up my crutches, sighing. "Has there been any progress with your leg?" She handed the crutches to me.

"It hasn't fallen off." I shrugged, taking the crutches off of her. "I can't ask for anymore or less."

"What have the doctors said?" Sharon brushed a golden strand behind her ear. More people were now emerging from their hiding places. Each pair of eyes watched me, it was a little unnerving. What happens if they saw through my lies? Saw me for who I really was? What happened if they figured out my secret?

"I don't go to the doctors anymore." I swung on my crutches, taking in the new faces, looking anywhere but at Sharon.

"Why?" Sharon's eyebrows nearly disappeared into her hair line.

"One, I don't like doctors. Two, I don't like needles. And three, it was a waste of time." I leant on my left crutch, clearing my throat. "Besides as the doctor said -" I coughed putting on a posh voice "- there is nothing more we can do for you, I'm terribly sorry Miss Frost."

"Oh..." Sharon's face fell, her brown gaze falling to the floor.

"Oh yes." I twisted my right crutch on the floor. "I now live my life on crutches. There are bonuses though, I get lots of sympathy which means lots of free food."

"I'm sorry, Zoe." Sharon couldn't look at me, her blonde hair falling across her face.

"What are you sorry about?" I smiled. "You weren't the bastard that bombed me." I swung again. "Everything happens for a reason Sharon, whether that reason be clear or not, who knows..." I glanced around. "Not going to introduce me to your new friends?" She was uncomfortable with the subject, I couldn't blame her. Then again if she knew the truth I wouldn't be speaking her right now at all. She would have wanted nothing to do with me at all.

"Oh, right." Sharon looked to a tall blond man. "This is Steve."

"Hi Cap." I saluted him, wobbling. Strong hands were under my arms steadying me. I quickly grabbed my crutch, pulling away from them. Hopefully my cheeks weren't red. "Thanks," I muttered.

A tall, brunette walked past me his eyes glued to the ground. Hands thrust into his pockets, his lips a straight line. Wasn't that the winter soldier... I swear I heard someone mention he lived here now because everything had died down, what ever that 'everything' was. He'd come back from Wakanda, him and the king there were good friends...

"That's Bucky." Steve smiled at the man as he walked past.

The man smiled back at him, lightly hitting Steve on the shoulder. "Hello."

"Right, okay Steve and Bucky and..." I looked around the room.

"I'm Tony Stark and this is Pepper, my wife." A short man with a dodgy beard answered standing next to a beautiful ginger. He was Iron Man, definitely, you could hear his ego in his voice.

The man called Bucky now sat on the sofa, his eyes watching me. What if he saw through me? He was the Winter Soldier after all.

"Bruce." I snapped my gaze away from Bucky to a brown eyed guy. Hulk.

"I am Thor Odinson of Asgard and this is Jane." A very tall, buff blonde smiled at me with a brunette under his arm.

A red headed woman and a tall muscled man nodded their heads at me.

"Natasha."

"Clint."

Black Widow and Hawkeye.

A purple man, yes purple like a really nice purple, and a woman dressed in a red leather jacket looked at me next. "I am Vision and this is Wanda." Aka Scarlett Witch. It is wrong that I shipped them? No, they're real human beings why was I shipping them?

A black man smiled weakly at me, sunglasses perched on his nose. "Fury." The ex-director of S.H.I.E.L.D who didn't look too pleased to see me. He'd obviously done a background check on me and spent a good few hours reading about my criminal past.

"Okay, I think I've got all your names, if not I'll just say your superhero name." I nodded my head. "Any chance of a seat?" My leg was seriously aching now, I knew why: because I wasn't using it. I didn't know what hurt more right then the feeling of my leg or the sinking guilt of knowing I was just one big walking lie.

"Sure." Sharon motioned for me to sit down on a sofa across from Bucky.

I settled into the seat, keeping my eyes to the floor and letting my crutches fall to the floor beside the chair. Bucky was still watching me and so were all of the others.

Sharon walked over to the bar, coming back with a cardboard box. "Happy birthday!" She grinned handing it to me.

"I didn't want-" I started to protest, putting my hands up and refusing to take the box.

"That's why it's not wrapped, it's not a present then." Sharon grinned, sitting next to me. "Open it, grumpy!"

"Okay, okay." I opened the lid of the box to find a lush, black dress. "What's this for?" I asked, knowing the answer already.

"Party!" Sharon shouted and then contained herself, glancing around before looking at me. Party... Oh no.

I shook my head - parties meant people and I didn't do people at the best of times. "I don't do parties now, I-"

"You have to," Sharon smirked. "I haven't seen you since you shipped off to war and since then my best friend has become the most boring person I know - you make Vision look fun. I just got you back, at least come to the party for me if not for your birthday. Besides, if you try to leave I have the Avengers to get you back."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes. "Are you aware that this is blackmail?"

"Come on, Zo, please. Please don't tell me you've changed so much that you can't even remember how to have fun."

Fun... It seemed like something in the distance that I couldn't quite grasp. I opened my eyes to see Sharon staring at me, stood up with her hand outstretched.

"Are you crazy or something?" I asked, putting the box to the side.

"Or something," Sharon laughed. "Please, Zoe, don't make me ask again."

"Fine, just for you..." I mumbled, pushing myself up with my crutches. Everyone averted their eyes, why do people always do that? Look away when someone crippled tries to get up.

"Make over time." Sharon's smile was scarily like the joker's now as she headed off towards a corridor, my present in her hand. It was a present as she'd given it to me without letting me pay for it.

"The joys," I muttered, swinging after her. "God help me."

"Do you not like parties, maiden Zoe?" Thor asked, raising an eyebrow as Jane followed Sharon. Well, he was a God but I don't think he'd help me.

I swung backwards on my crutches, laughing. "I just don't like the whole attention on me thing, Thor."

Thor nodded. "I understand, maiden Zoe."

I swung after Sharon, gripping my crutches more tightly than normal. All eyes watched me as I left.

"There's something about her that doesn't seem right..." Vision mumbled as I left. Why did I have to have such good hearing?

A very long time later - honestly I wouldn't be surprised if it was an eternity - I stood staring at the reflection of a tall brunette girl, her green eyes highlighted by a smokey purple eyeshadow. Her lips defined by a pale nude lipgloss, the apple of her cheeks highlighted by a light pink blush. The dark circles which had once clung under her eyes were gone. I didn't recognise myself at all. A thick black pair of tights concealing what had become of my leg. It was too easy to hide who you truly were underneath everything else. No wonder there were so many bad guys in the world...

"Let's get this party started." Wanda laughed, wandering out of the door.

I swung after everyone, Natasha by my side in a tight, navy dress.

"What do you do now?" She asked, holding the door open for me.

"Stuff," I shrugged, lifting my crutch to motion for her go first. I mostly stayed inside and worked out - there was nothing else I could do that wouldn't hurt anyone or let them find me.

"Thanks." Natasha slipped through.

I followed her. "S'alright."

Lights flashed and music was blaring, it was definitely a party. Now all I had to do was find the booze.

"Zoe!" Sharon was beckoning me to go over to her, Steve, Tony, Pepper and Bucky. The men wore suits whilst the ladies wore dresses - how stereotypical. Sharon as usual looked amazing in a deep purple strapless number.

I glanced over at the bar before going over to them. "Hey."

"Looking good." Pepper nodded at me.

"Thank you, you look amazing too." I leant on my crutch, glancing out of the window at the city below. The glint of the sunlight on the glass slowly faded away to night.

"How long you staying over here?" Tony asked, staring at the contents of his drink.

Sharon shot him a glare.

"Trying to get rid of me already?" I laughed.

"No, just asking." He shrugged, laughing a little.

"I don't know, as long as you'll allow me to stay I suppose." I slid my crutch down to my elbow as I reached up to scratch the hollow of my throat.

"You still have your tags on?" Steve cast his eyes to my neck. I'd forgotten to take them off...

"Yes." I shrugged, leaning on my crutch again. "I kind of like them, gives me the whole don't mess with me look."

"You're just a bad man aren't you?" Sharon laughed.

"Totally." I rolled my eyes. "Well used to be."

"What?" Steve asked, his eyes narrowing.

"In the presence of a ex-street racer, assassin and thief." I motioned to myself. Silence. I looked at their gazes none of them too impressed, until I accidentally caught the gaze of Bucky.

He smirked.

I quickly looked away. Well done Zoe, way to make things awkward already with Bucky Blue eyes.

"She was until I arrested her and showed her the light." Sharon laughed, a half empty glass of wine in her hand. Light weight.

"Don't forget the car chase, the pepper spray at the traffic lights, the whole breaking of my baby," I sighed. "Oh, and the part where you tasered me."

Everyone laughed.

"I don't and didn't find it funny," I muttered, swinging on my crutches. "I've still got friggin marks!"

"Oops," Sharon said. "At least you'll be good now."

I leant on my right leg, circling a halo above my head. "An angel."

"My baby?" Bucky asked, frowning.

"My Aston Martin DB9," I shrugged. "I love my cars and weapons."

"Nice," Tony chipped in.

"Mmmm..." I sighed. "Can't drive her now though, and that's not because she's wrecked."

"You are," Sharon giggled, an empty wine glass in her hand. I know they shouldn't have but the words resonated in me - I was wrecked, if only she knew the truth.

"Okay, it has been far too long since I have gotten tipsy," I laughed. "I need some Guinness."

"Guinness?" Everyone echoed.

"What? Gonna arrest me for being drunk and disorderly on crutches?" I laughed, swinging over to the bar and pouring myself a drink. I set my right leg down and started hobbling back over to them, crutches trailing the floor.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Bucky asked, raising a brunette eyebrow.

"No, all my nerves don't work so I can't feel a thing. Besides, I've had far worse." I took a swig of the beer, a fiery sensation down my throat. "And I definitely won't feel a thing after this," I laughed. "Cheers and thanks for the party, Sharon."

Everyone clinked glasses. Hopefully I could get drunk, if my metabolism let me.


	2. The Past

I laughed along to the conversation, having lost track of it a long time ago. I'm pretty sure my cheeks were red from the heat in the room. "Excuse me." I set my third empty glass down on the table and began to swing along to the door which led to the balcony. The alcohol had done nothing to my senses, to me. At least I tried. The only thing the alcohol had done was make me realise that I really wasn't the old me anymore.

"Where are you going?" I think it was Fury that asked.

"Outside, it's a little warm." I opened the door, sighing as the cool air caressed my cheeks. I swung to the railing before letting my crutches drop to the floor as I leant on it. I really didn't treat my crutches with care...

"I can see why you left, the conversation doesn't even make sense anymore and most of them are too drunk to notice." I looked to see Bucky walking towards me. A smart navy blue suit clung to his figure, his first two shirt buttons open and his tie undone. It was a slightly rugged look but he looked amazing. Whoa, what was I thinking?!

"That's partly why I left," I laughed, looking over the edge at the moving traffic below. It whizzed by below, so many people were out so late at night. Manhattan seemed to be alive at all hours.

"What was the other reason?" Bucky asked, leaning on the balcony as well.

"I just don't do laughter and celebrating anymore." I shrugged, leaning further over the edge. "I guess that's what war does to you - it changes your perspective."

"I still can't believe they let dolls like you fight..." Bucky pushed his hair out of his face. It was still a little long, but it was no longer the grunge look he'd been sporting in the news when the UN bomb had gone off.

"Wow, are you being sexist now?" I stood hands on my hips, still leaning on the railing.

"No, jeez, no." Bucky raised his hands in surrender. "I just think guys are supposed to protect the gals you know, not the other way around. You gotta remember I'm over a hundred years old now I'm a little old fashioned in my ways."

"I forgot you were from a long time ago, an old man essentially," I mumbled.

"Are you calling me old?" He laughed, cocking his head to the side.

I leant with my back to the railing now. "Well in all technicalities you are. But if it's any consolation you look pretty good for an old guy."

"Thanks," Bucky sighed. "You don't look too bad yourself."

"Thanks." I leant forward, my arms behind me gripping the railing. "I miss the noise, you know, the bombs, the gun fire... It's just so silent now. I don't miss the killing, just the..."

"The noise of everyone around you, the cheers, the laughter..." Bucky was now copying me in my strange leaning motion.

"I don't even know why I went to war in the first place," I sighed, leaning back and casting my gaze across the city. Lights reflected off of the glass and everything was humming with activity. The city was alive with its own energy.

"I guess I wanted to make a difference, to stop the bullies." I looked over at Bucky, his strong jaw line shadowed by the lights of Manhattan. His eyes were deadly serious as they glanced in front of him. "Look at the good that did, I became the worst bully. Sometimes I wonder whether anything I've done has been good."

"No, you became the victim," I sighed. "Because unfortunately the bullies have bombs and tanks too and they don't play nice. And you have done good things, you've fought with Black Panther protecting Wakanda and you've been there for Steve. You're a good man Bucky, don't let anyone tell you any different."

"Thanks, that means a lot." Bucky motioned to the city. "But after all I went through it was worth it, even if I don't remember most of my life in the army before HYDRA. I fought to protect a world from bullies like HYDRA and eventually, well now, I do."

"Bullies..." I put my back to the rail. "I've had far too much experience with them."

"No guy to protect you from them?" Bucky raised his eyebrow at me.

"I don't bother with men," I laughed. "I can't lose anyone then, and I can't have my heart broken."

"You have a heart?" I heard him whisper, chuckling.

I reached to lightly hit him in the arm, that was until my left leg gave way. "Shit," I muttered, bracing my hands for the harsh impact of the floor.

"Careful," was being whispered in my ear as hands were once again catching me. Goosebumps rose on my skin where he held my arms.

I pushed away from him, grabbing onto the railing which I idiotically hadn't grabbed before hand. No. I could not get close to him. To anyone. I had to keep them at a distance. I had to keep them safe.

"I don't have any diseases, that I know of," Bucky laughed, putting his hands up in defeat. His blue eyes watched me closely, searching my face.

"Sorry, just..." Yeah, well done Zoe you can't actually answer that one.

"I don't blame you, the standard of men today is appalling." Bucky shrugged. "I mean I thought I was bad back then."

"Ohhhh," I mocked him, glad for the change in conversation. "Bit of a ladies man were we?"

"Mmmmm..." His eyes were distant.

"The past, it's painful, no doubt about that." I rubbed his shoulder. "But it's over and we're currently in the present."

"Rightly said." Bucky held his arm out. "Best to get back inside I guess."

I glanced down at my crutches. "I...urrr.."

"Oh right." Bucky picked up my crutches, handing them to me.

"Thanks," I said, slipping them on and swinging forward. "Let's go."

"Ladies first." Bucky motioned to the door.

"Thanks." I swung inside, the atmosphere slightly calmer.

"Zoe!" Sharon was now wobbling over to me. Oh dear...

"Sharon," I smiled. How much had she had to drink since I had gone outside?

"This is Sam!" She giggled pointing to a dark skinned, muscly man sitting to next to Steve.

"Hi Sam." I nodded my head towards the Falcon.

"Hi Zoe, you're looking mighty fine." He was now walking towards me. Great.

"Thanks," I blushed.

Bucky took the Falcon's seat, whispering something to Steve.

"Don't thank me for telling the truth darlin." Oh god, he was flirting with me.

Sam winked at me, holding out his arm. "Gonna give me a dance?"

"I can't." I moved my crutches. "And I don't dance anymore."

Sharon was now filling another glass, her poor liver. "You used to be amazing."

"Precisely, used to be." I went and collapsed onto a chair, away from the Falcon.

"Cheer up, it's your birthday!" Sharon was now wobbling over to me, her eyes slightly glazed over. She was going to go out like a light in a minute.

I quickly, well quickly for me, stood up and took the glass off of her before catching as she fell.

"What have you been drinking?" I laughed, sniffing the contents of the glass. "No need to answer: you've been mixing."

Steve took Sharon from me as I sat down again. He carried her so carefully and looked at her with so much affection. A sharp pain spread in my chest. I would never know that feeling: love. I couldn't know that feeling otherwise the person who I fell for would get hurt.

"So where do you come from?" Sam asked, brown eyes staring at me. He was attractive but I just wasn't feeling it. At least he had snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Earth." I pushed my hair out of my face. I tried to stop a yawn by biting my lip. Great, it probably looked like I was flirting now.

"Yeah, but where abouts on Earth?" God was he persistent.

"A place where history is bountiful and the time has begun to lean to the side." Riddles, I had watched far too much of lord of the rings in the last few months.

"Riddles, seriously?" Sam slapped his knee, smirking.

"Just because you're not smart enough to solve them." What can I say? I was sarcastic bitch.

"London," Bucky spoke from his seat.

"Bang on the money over there," I laughed.

"Do you want some tea, m'lady?" Sam laughed.

"I doubt it, I don't like tea, dear sir." I played along.

"Fish and chips?"

"No." I crossed my left leg over my right. "What about a full English breakfast?"

"Haven't you got to be careful about what you eat?" Pepper asked. "I mean what with being on crutches and all."

"Nah, I've got a high metabolism." I smirked. "I can pig out and won't even gain a pound."

"Lucky," Jane sighed.

"Uh," I shrugged, glancing at Sam. He was frowning. "Don't strain too hard to figure out what metabolism is, Sam. You might hurt yourself."

"Bitch," he muttered.

"You're a stupid, selfish woman now? Wow and I just thought they were man boobs," I laughed.

"Do we need to settle this fist to fist?" Sam stood up, cracking his knuckles.

So did I. "Nah." I swung over to him. "I wouldn't want to whoop your arse in front of all these nice people, besides even if it is in the past I don't think you'll forget."

Everyone laughed apart from Sam who shook his head.

"You couldn't even get a finger to me darlin'." Sam laughed at me. "I'm way outta your league."

"I don't appreciate you laughing at me." I put one of my crutches on his toe, pressing down. "Who said anything about me touching you, I wouldn't want to. And besides I'm way out of your league." I laughed, leaning back off of his toe.

"Ow," Sam groaned, grimacing.

"Awwww diddums, did I hurt you?" I swung back on my crutches.

"No." He glared at me.

"Don't laugh at me again, dear." I leaned in close to him, but still spoke so that everyone could hear me. "Because I don't play nice when I think I'm being bullied. In fact, I don't play nice at all." Damn, earlier what I'd said to Bucky about the bad guys not playing nice... Please say I hadn't given myself away.

"Sorry," Sam mumbled.

"S'alright," I laughed. "The past is in the past, let's just get on with the present, birdy."

A deep laugh sounded from across the room, my insides immediately did a flip. Who was that?


	3. Nightmare

Bucky's eyes were crinkled at the sides as he laughed. Everyone else joined in. He was nothing like the man they had portrayed on the news - this man was happy if not slightly cautious.

I leant on my crutch, watching Sam walk back to his seat. "Victory," I laughed.

"Oh darlin, you've just started a war," Sam laughed.

"Oh but dear, a war would mean that you would actually stand some chance of winning." I smiled at him, before swinging back to my seat. "Besides haven't you had enough wars to fight?"

"Don't say anything else Sam, she's just gonna have a good comeback," Tony laughed. "Where do you get them from, a book?"

I shrugged. "I just come up with them."

"Unfortunately," Sam mumbled.

"You started it, I just finished it," I said innocently.

"It's not over," Sam mumbled walking over to the bar. "I need a drink."

"You have no idea what you have started," I laughed. "Or if intoxicated Sharon had been here she would have said you should have seen her when she came to the station, she was renowned as the troublemaker, you shouldn't mess with her."

"Seriously?" Sam laughed, stopping pouring himself some Bourbon. "You were a criminal?"

"Still am," I laughed, taking his wallet out of my pocket. "Anything of any use in this thing?"

"Hey, give it back!" Sam was standing in front of me, hands on his hips.

I looked up at him, puppy dog eyes, slowly handing him his wallet. "Sorry."

"Sorry? You did it on purpose!" He stamped his foot.

I leant back in my chair. "Going to call the police? Hi, it's the Falcon, I've been robbed by a woman on crutches, please help me, help me! I think I might cr-"

The Falcon's hand on my mouth silenced me.

I bit him.

"Damn it gal! What is your problem?" He was waving his hand around in the air now, jumping up and down.

"You, amongst many of my other 'problems' as you so affectionately called them." I smirked before laughing, unable to hold my laughter in any longer.

Bucky was now looking at me, a bright smile on his face. No, please say he wasn't getting attached... Please.

I smirked back at Sam, ripping my gaze away from Bucky. "Don't worry Sam, I don't have any diseases, that I know of."

"Are you sure you don't have rabies?" Sam backed away from me.

I bit my lip, thinking. "Yes? I mean I've never been tested but I probably don't..."

"You're crazy." Sam smirked, wandering off in the direction, I guessed, that his room was in.

"All the best people are," I called after him.

He spun round at the doorway. "You know what, I'll buy you a special kind of onesie." An evil smile was now on his face. "That way you won't be able to move in and it'll be white-"

"Is it going to be a straight jacket?" I hugged myself. "Because I already have one of them."

More laughs erupted as the Falcon left. I had just ruined his insult. Boom.

"How did you get a straight jacket?" Steve asked, he'd just come back from putting Sharon to bed. Something told me he didn't approve of me being at the tower, probably because of the whole criminal thing.

"eBay," I yawned, checking my watch: it was midnight "Wow, is it that late already?"

"I'll show you to your room." Pepper smiled, standing up.

"Thank you." I stood up swinging on my crutches. "Thank you for a good time guys."

"Zoe?" I looked to Natasha, who had raised an eyebrow. "How are you not tipsy?"

"What can I say, us Brits can hold our drink," I laughed, following Pepper out of the door rather quickly. High metabolism, that was my excuse. Not the truth of me being a super soldier.

I slipped into my room, past Pepper. "Thank you again for letting me stay here."

"The pleasure's all mine. If you need anything, just let me know, Zoe." Pepper watched me for a few seconds before leaving me in my room, alone.

I pulled my suitcase onto my bed, rummaging through to find some pyjamas. I probably wouldn't get any sleep anyway, but hey ho I could try.

I put my crutches on my bed and walked to the bathroom. I shivered as the coolness of the zip touched my skin, the dress falling to the floor in a black silk pile. I unclipped my bra and pulled on a plain black tank top. I peeled my tights off and slid some pyjama bottoms on, glancing in the mirror. My bionic right leg, a foreign object to the rest of my body which glinted in the harsh bathroom light. It was a thing of structural and intellectual beauty but that beauty was overshadowed by the cruelty it could cause and the even crueller intentions behind it.

I put my full weight on the leg, bending my leg and flexing the bionic muscles. I could walk. I could run. I could do anything. But I couldn't bear to use it. I couldn't bear the fact that HYDRA had permanently left their mark on me, and I couldn't get rid of it. I was wrecked like Sharon had said.

A short, sharp knock sounded on my door. I quickly scrambled out of the bathroom and slipped on some slippers, grabbing a crutch. I opened the door.

Intense blue eyes met mine. Bucky of all people stood at my door.

"Oh hey, is everything alright?" I asked, immediately relaxing, hiding my leg behind the door.

"Yeah, I was just checking you were alright after the whole Sam incident." Bucky shrugged, scratching the back of his neck. His jacket had been discarded and he only wore a white collared shirt which was tight in the all right places. Again?! No, Zoe this man was not a piece of meat to be objectified. He was not someone you could have feelings for either so nip it in the bud before it starts going somewhere.

"I'm good, besides I think you should be checking if Sam's alright," I laughed, leaning on the door. "I think I injured his pride."

"Nah, you just took him down a peg or two," Bucky smiled. "He's had worse from me."

My heart was racing for some reason now. "Do you not like him?" I asked.

"No, he's a great guy - a friend, he helped to protect me in the civil war, if you can call it that..." Bucky shrugged. "I just... A lot of people aren't friends with me after the whole winter soldier thing, especially Stark because of his parents."

"I'll be friends with you." Wow, what are you saying Zoe?

Bucky laughed, my left knee was going to give way like that of a lovesick, gushing teenager's knees would. No, please no. "Thanks Zoe, it means a lot."

"Glad I could help sergeant." I saluted him, being careful this time to not fall over.

"Well, goodnight Zoe. It was a pleasure meeting you today." Bucky saluted back.

"And you, goodnight Bucky," I sighed.

"Don't let the bed bugs bite," I whispered as he walked away.

"Are you sure it won't be you?" I swear I heard him whisper back. Super soldier hearing and all.

I shook my head, shutting the bedroom door. Nah, the beer had gone to my head, finally.

The bed was too soft, the house too quiet. I turned and tossed and groaned. Sleep. Why is it when you want it, it never happens?

I turned, looking to the alarm clock: 2AM. Ugh. I closed my eyes, trying to relax - to fall asleep...

... "We're surrounded," our leader said. "It's only a matter of time before they get to us. Frost and Smith, stay here, the rest of you, let's go fight for our country."

All of the men left the armoured vehicle, leaving me and my sister's husband alone.

"It's going to be okay," I whispered.

"Yeah right," he sighed. "I'm never going to see Becky again."

"You will," I tried to comfort him.

"No, I won't." He stood and opened the door. "I'm going to die with honour, not stay here like a coward. I wouldn't expect a criminal like you to understand."

I grabbed his arm, trying to pull him back. "I do understand, now get away-"

"Zoe, get off!" Aaron yelled before he looked back outside. His face fell.

Hundreds of clicks sounded outside - bullets clicking into place.

"No!" I screamed as Aaron's body shivered from the array of bullets which hit him. I reached forward and dragged his body to the side, pressing desperately on the wounds, trying to stop the bleeding. "Aaron?" I whispered.

"Tell Becky I love her," he croaked his eyes fluttering closed. I don't even know how he stayed alive long enough to speak.

"Come out with your hands up!" Someone shouted.

I stepped out of the vehicle, hands in the air. "I-I surrender." The only thing I could do. Aaron's blood fell from my hands down my wrists making me shiver.

The enemies weren't who I expected to be, they were Americans, well most of them.

"What do you want?" I asked, as I was kicked to my knees. I had no choice but to stare at the dirt, as voices spoke in a foreign language - Russian.

"You." A man with a long jagged scar approached me. I stared at his shoes, trying to ignore him. "You shall be our new soldier, girl."

"What?" I squeaked, trying to lean away from him."You shall be the new face of HY-" there was a flash, before a loud bang. I couldn't see, I couldn't move. I was floating? Air was whipping my face. I was falling. I tried to scream, but nothing came out of my mouth. I crashed into a jutting rock. A sharp pain sprung up my leg, yet I still couldn't cry out. Then it was gone. I couldn't feel my leg. Pain was everywhere. Pain. Pain. Blackness. Wake up. Danger. Pain. Wake up. I screamed...

I bolted upright in bed, covering my mouth. It was three in the morning. I tried to slow my breathing. "It's okay," I whispered to myself. "Safe. You're safe. You're not there anymore."

I sat, trying to regulate my breathing. My clothes and hair clung to my body drenched in sweat. Please say no one heard me. My mind wasn't stable right now, part of me still thought I was in danger.

Someone knocked on the door. No.

I said nothing. They couldn't see me like this, whoever they were.

There was a sharp flash of light from the door opening and closing. Someone was approaching me. No. They couldn't take me back, I wouldn't let them.

"No!" I lashed out connecting with a nose, bringing my wrist back for another punch.

"Ow crazy," was muttered in the dark before two hands encircled my wrists. "You're safe, I promise."

The one on my right wrist was cold, almost metallic to the touch. What? Who?


	4. Red

"Who are you?" I whispered into the darkness. I think I knew... Yet my heart still raced and my mind rushed to only one conclusion they'd found me again - they were going to kill me for escaping. 

"It's Bucky, Zoe. You're safe." The hands disappeared. Of course... He was the one that had the bionic left arm, and hand. 

I took a deep breath, shaking my head. Safe. I was safe. Oh my god! I'd punched Bucky in the face. "Shit, I'm so sorry." I pushed my hair out of my face, shuffling away from him.

"What for?" He asked, the bed sinking as he sat down, I think. I couldn't see, it was pitch black, it was better that way. If only I could live my life in pitch black, unable to see my sins, see the red. All I could see was the faint outline of his body.

"Waking you up." I yawned, covering my mouth. "Punching you. In the face." 

"Don't worry." Was he laughing? "You've got a pretty good right hook. Besides I should know to give someone space after a nightmare, I've been through what you're going through."

"Thanks." I pushed my pillows back so I could lean on them, hugging my duvet covered knees. 

We sat in silence for a few minutes. As my eyes adjusted to the light Bucky became clearer - he wore a plain red short sleeved shirt and a pair of pyjama trousers, his long hair hung in his eyes.

"Are you alright now?" Even in the darkness I knew Bucky was looking at me, I could feel his gaze on me. He was waiting for an answer. His body facing me in the darkness.

I froze, how could I answer that question? "Yes." A small lie. 

"Nightmares..." There was a sigh. "If only they weren't real life huh?" 

"You have no idea," I sighed too. My throat was tight now. I would not cry. I would not cry. 

Bucky turned away from me, clenching his metal hand. "All the people I've killed, innocent people, all the things I've done. I remember doing them but..." 

"You had no control over it, you had to," I finished for him. After all, I knew what he was talking about, I'd been through it too. I'd killed innocent chi- 

Bucky looked back at me. "All the red on my hands, it just... Is there any part of me which isn't covered in red?"

I knew it was rhetorical, but I had to answer. "Out, damned spot, out I say," I whispered Lady Macbeth's quote. 

"Shakespeare?" 

"Yes." I shrugged even though he couldn't see me. "No matter how much good I do the red just can't be erased, it's there defining who I was, who I am, what I've done," my voice was now croaky. "No one else can see it but..." 

"But you can and you will always know it's there." I felt a hand on my shoulder. "And no one ever seems to forget what you did, no matter how much good you do."

I reached up and gripped it. Even murderers needed comfort, not that he was a murderer, Bucky was a victim. And then there were monsters like me that didn't hide in the darkness and were in plain sight, who lied to their friends and everyone around them. I took a deep breath. "I'm alright now, you can go." I slipped my hand from his. I couldn't let him get close to me. 

Bucky's hand left my shoulder and the bed sprang back up from where he had been sitting. "Thank you, Zoe."

"For what?" I asked into the darkness, standing up too. Who cares if he saw my metal foot?

Cool, minty breath blew on my face. "Helping me see past the red. Now I understand that there may be red on top, but underneath there's some pure white, deep down. Even if I can't see it, other people, you, can. I've worked this hard to be who I was, there's no point giving up now. They unconditioned me and took me out of cryogenic sleep even though I wanted to stay there for my sins, but the key words have no effect on me now - I'm finally me, even if I can still see the red." Bucky stepped back from me, his breath gone from my face. 

The light of the hall shone for the briefest of moments before going out again. Bucky was gone. 

I sighed, crawling back into bed. I felt as if a tiny, minuscule amount of guilt had been taken off of my shoulders as I drifted back to sleep. But it was only a minuscule amount from the heap that I had.

***

I groaned as I brushed my hair into a ponytail. Damn it, I'd forgotten to take my makeup off. Scrubbing rapidly I removed the panda eyes and makeup to reveal the not so dark eye circles and pale skin. To reveal me. Me in a black vest top with some black leggings and a denim jacket over the top. 

I sighed, before wearing a smile as I swung into the living room.

"Hey Zoe." Sharon smiled at me before putting a tablet in her mouth. She was hungover. 

"Hey Sharon." I laughed going up to her. An assortment of food lay on the table. Mmmm. I picked up a croissant, biting into it. Sweet jam and soft bread filled my mouth. Not bad. I took another bite. 

"The bitch has arisen." Sam was walking towards us. Ouch, well then...

"You really shouldn't call yourself that," I laughed, finishing the croissant. 

"Shut up," he mumbled, taking a croissant. 

"Or what?" I asked, pouring myself a glass of orange juice. 

The Falcon glared at me before going and sitting next to Steve.

I laughed downing the juice and putting the empty glass on the side, swinging over to an empty seat. 

"Morning," was mumbled from the door way as Bucky wandered in, in a pair of jeans and a plain navy shirt, stretching his arms above his head. The metal one glinted in the morning light, it was actually quite beautiful. 

"Hey Bucky." Steve looked to his best friend. "How you feelin?" 

"Good." Bucky grinned at Steve. "I actually feel good." 

"Hey Zoe?" I looked to see Sharon sitting on the arm of the chair I was in. "Do you want to go shopping today?" 

"Sure," I shrugged. "As long as we go to Hot Topic."

"Emo," she mumbled.

"Elmo," I mumbled back, giving her a light shove. 

Cool metal touched my wrists. "You're under arrest." Sharon stood up, waving the key in front of me.

"Oh dear." This was an old trick she used to do whenever I showed her up. I slipped the cuffs off, smirking at Sharon. "Nice try, agent."

"Whoa, how did you do that?" Sam asked. 

"Slip the cuffs?" I swung them around on my finger. "Practice, plus I can dislocate my thumbs." 

"Ewwww." Sam shuddered. "That's just nasty." 

"Mmmm..." I shrugged. "But useful." 

"If you get into trouble." Sam raised an eyebrow at me. 

"Trouble, it's like a magnet to me." I stood up. "Well then, Sharon shall we go shopping?" 

"Yes." Sharon stood getting her bag. "We shouldn't be gone too long." 

"Unless something happens," I muttered, heading for the lift. 

"Such as?" Steve asked, eyes on me again. If anyone was going to figure me out it would be him. 

"I get hit by taxi?" I shrugged. "You never know." 

Everyone rolled their eyes at me. Blue eyes that made my heart stop. Well, not literally otherwise I would die. I wouldn't be living on borrowed time any longer, which would be a good thing, but then I didn't want to die otherwise that person would have died for nothing. They couldn't have died for nothing. 

***

Sharon walked down the street with me by her side. She held all of our bags as we headed to our last shop, a newsagents? The Avenger tower was at the end of the street. We'd already been to Victoria's Secret, Hot Topic, River Island and other clothes shops which I couldn't remember the name of. I guess I wasn't that interested anymore, not that I ever was.

Sharon picked up some Irn Bru for me and then some diet coke for her. 

"You still remember my favourite drink?" I asked her as we came round to the till. 

"Of course." Sharon smiled at me getting her purse. 

"Give the money to me, now!" A scruffy, homeless (well he looked homeless anyway) guy stood in front of us. A gun in his hand. Shit. He was robbing the shop. 

"Or what?" I asked, gripping my crutches tighter.

He pointed the gun at my head. "Boom." 

"Wow." I shrugged, pushing my forehead to the gun. It was cold against my skin but I didn't shiver, I was used to the cold now. "I'm so scared."

"You s-should be," he stuttered. A bead of sweat slid down the man's temple, the gun shaking ever so slightly. 

"You'd kill an innocence person?" I kept his nervous gaze. I could wear him down. "On crutches?" 

"Y-yes." I just had to keep him talking. 

"What's your name?" I let one of my crutches fall to the floor. My right hand still clutching one of them.

"What are you doing?" He asked. The gun was now shaking as he pressed it harder against my forehead.

"What are you doing?" I replied, not breaking eye contact. "Do you want to be a killer?" A killer like me...

"Shut up!" He yelled before the barrel of the gun hit my temple. I fell to the floor, swinging my crutch to hit him in the head. It shook in my hands as it snapped. 

A loud thump sounded as he fell to the floor. But not before a bang sounded. 

No pain. I was safe. I looked to Sharon. She was fine. The newsagent wasn't though. No.

I dragged myself over to him. Stomach wound. I ripped off my denim jacket, applying pressure to the wound. "Come on, stay with me," I begged. Red bled onto my fingers, through the fabric. "Stay with me, buddy. The hard part's over now."

"Police," the newsagent croaked before his eyes fluttered closed. 

"Police!" Was echoed as the door of the shop slammed open, the bell ringing loudly.

"Alright, I know you're here," I shouted back, pressing harder on the newsagent's wound. I had to stop the bleeding.

"Sharon!" She was gone. The two bottles abandoned on the floor. Really? At least she'd taken the bags I suppose. But where had she gone?

"Hands up!" All guns pointed at me. 

I looked to the police officers, shaking my head. "I need to-" 

"Now!" Seriously? I lifted my bloody hands. This didn't look good. The blood dripped down my arms onto the floor. 

"You're under arrest for murder!" A policeman put his gun away, producing some handcuffs. 

"What is it with the shouting?" I asked as he slipped the cuffs on. "I'm not deaf. Keep pressure on the wound otherwise he'll die. He's not dead yet."

The police officer shook his head at me. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense." 

"Is that just a polite way of telling me to shut up? Because if so, I'm innocent!" I shouted. I mean why not? Everyone else was. 

The police officer gripped my arm a little too tightly. "Stand up!"

"I can't." I twisted my wrists in the handcuffs. 

The police officer glared at me. "Stand up now, criminal!"

"For fuck sake, I can't! I cannot stand up! I can't feel my right fucking leg!" I screamed. "They're my crutches on the floor," I whispered, as my hair fell into my eyes. "I fought in the war, fought for peace and I got hurt - I can't feel my right leg."

"You can't arrest her," I looked up to see Sharon through my hair and a tall, brunette man. His lips on a thin line and his blue eyes glaring at the police officer. Hopefully they hadn't heard that...


	5. Blue

"Why not?" The police officer stepped in front of me, blocking my view of Sharon and Bucky.

I frowned. I mean I would have been fine with it, if he had a nice arse. But he was just some old man. I stared down at my hands instead. They stood out on the pale tiles of the floor, it was the blood. I swallowed a lump in my throat - this wouldn't be the first time my hands had been covered in blood that wasn't my own. I heard the word almost like a whisper in the back of my mind: murderer.

"She's with us - a associate of the Avengers." A deep, gravely voice. Bucky. 

"And you are?" Another police officer stood by my side now, gun pointed at me. 

I stared up into the barrel, unblinking. It took a lot more than that to scare me. 

"We're with S.H.I.E.L.D and the UN." Sharon's voice spoke this time, her angry voice. It wouldn't be long before she was shouting. And punching, hopefully. 

"Yeah, and I'm the Queen of Sheba." The police officer in front of me laughed. Bastard. 

"I'm also a witness, I saw the whole thing happen," Sharon explained. "She is innocent, I swear."

"I don't believe you." The policeman's hand flew to his gun. 

"Don't shoot them," I said, sitting up. "Or I'll kill you." 

The police officer pressed his gun to my temple. "One more move and I shoot you."

"How exactly will you kill me if you can't even get up?" The policeman turned around, laughing at me. 

Anger. It rushed through my like tidal wave. I shouldered the police officer beside me, knocking him over. I leapt forward biting the other police officer's hand, hard. A gun clicked. The other officer. I kicked back with my right leg, knocking the gun out of his hand again. 

"Get this bitch off of me!" The police officer grabbed a fistful of my hair. 

I let go of him. My right fist connected with his nose. "I can get up, you bastard." My left fist connected with his cheek. 

"No!" I heard Bucky yell before volts of electricity were coursing through my body. My muscles involuntarily spasmed. I couldn't exactly put my hands out as I fell to the floor. The tiles were cold as my cheek slapped them. Pain. It hit me then as my adrenaline wore off. 

Black trainers hurried towards me as the darkness consumed me... "Buck..."

***

Bright lights stung my eyes. My leg! I'd lost it and not in the careless way. I shot up. Metal. The leg was metal. Oh my god. I flexed the toes. A red star on the inside of the ankle. What? How? Who?

I tore my gaze from the leg. Plain white tiles and a pale blue curtain hiding what was to my left. The room was cold both in temperature and appearance.

"Hello Miss Frost." A wrinkled man stood in front of me, brown spectacles perched on his nose. "I am Alexander Pierce." 

I said nothing, still looking at my wiggling metal toes, at the leg. My leg.

"I know this must be hard for you right now. But we're here to help you." He touched my hand, his grasp clammy. "But you need to forget your sins."

"What do you mean?" I asked, snatching my hand away from him. 

He paced around the bed I was in, watching me, analysing me. "In order for you to make a difference in this world, you must first of all forget. Forget everything. To forget is to see again with a new image of the world, see it how it is and then changing it. But do you want to forget everything?" 

Forget everything. Forget the image of Aaron dying. Forget the image of the people I'd killed at war and on the streets. Forget my paralysed sister in her wheel chair hearing that her husband was dead. Forget my sins. I didn't need to think over my answer, I knew it instantly. "Yes." 

A man in a white coat handed me a gum shield. I took it placing it between my teeth.

"Lie back, my dear." I did as Pierce said, lying back on the metal bed. I felt a hand touch mine. It was Pierce again. "It is time to embrace the future." 

Something cool touched my temple and then my shoulders and arms. What was happening? I couldn't move, I was being pinned down. No. I'd changed my mind. I had to comfort my sister. I had to see Sharon and tell her I was different. Why had I been so selfish?

I struggled against the restraints. "No, I've changed my mind, pleas-"

"Hail HYDRA," someone said before a massive electric shock shot through my head and needles pierced my skin. Cold fluid filled my bodies making my muscles burn.

I screamed into the gum shield. My heart was pounding. My heart hurt. My back hurt. My legs hurt. Everything bloody well hurt. I could taste blood. Pain. There was so much pain. I screamed again.

***

A faint beeping sound was in my ear. A consistent sound which seemed distant even though so close. My heart beat.

"Ow," I moaned. At least it was just a flashback. For now.

"A bit late for that." I heard a voice not that far away from me. Sam. 

"Sorry," I muttered, not opening my eyes. The word popped out of my mouth naturally whilst a growl escaped from my stomach. 

"Are you growling at me?" Sam asked, as something poked me in the side.

I swatted at whoever it was. 

"Ow." Shit, I recognised that voice. It was Bruce.

I sat bolt upright. "Sorry! Please don't smash me." 

Bruce laughed, looking over his glasses at me. "It's alright." 

I bit my lip as pain gripped my back. "Bloody police officers," I muttered, lying back down.

"It was kind of your own fault, you know." Sharon appeared by my side. 

"He was going to shoot you!" The beeping got faster. 

"You bit him!" Sharon exclaimed. 

"He could have had HIV! I saved you!" I stood up, looking down at Sharon. "I couldn't let him shoot you, Sharon." Standing up was the wrong thing to do. My head started to spin. 

"Zoe, your heart rate is 200." All I could see were Bruce's brown eyes. He was now stood in front of me. "Calm down." 

"How long have I been here?" I asked, only succeeding in the beeping going faster. 

"An hour, calm down." Bruce touched my shoulders. 

I sat down, taking deep breaths. "Calm." The beeping slowed down. I looked down at my leg. No metal was showing. No one knew. I was safe.

"Okay now that your heart rate's normal." Bruce motioned to Sharon, removing the monitors from me.

"You can explain." Sharon just looked at me. I knew the look too well. It was the same look she'd given me multiple times in the police station after arresting me - she was the only police officer who ever had. 

"Explain what?" I asked. No, they couldn't have found my leg. No. 

"A phone call from HYDRA." Okay this was definitely worse. Much worse. This meant HYDRA had finally found me. I wasn't safe anymore.

All eyes were on me, some glaring and some sad, a certain blue pair burning into me. Of course, he probably thought I was here to take him back. A covert mission to ruin his life again. 

"It's a long story," I whispered.

"Long! They were asking whether you would join again. You were with them in the first place? What made you think of joining them?!" Sharon stood in front of me , yelling. Her cheeks were flushed red and her hands firmly on her hips.

I stared at the floor, afraid to speak. To move. To look at anyone. I'd lost everything to HYDRA but at the time I didn't know that so joining them seemed like the best way to go.

Sharon stepped closer to me. "Answer me, Zoe Frost."

"I can't," I whispered, eyes still glued to the floor.

"Why?"

"Because I don't know." I stood up too, a head taller than Sharon. "I don't talk to them anymore. I don't know how they found me."

"Anymore? You were part of them?" Sharon was backing away from me. "You were a monster!?" The anger was slipping from her voice, quickly being replaced with fear. The volume of her shouting fading into a whisper. "My best friend is a traitor."

"Ouch, that actually hurt but it's true, I was a traitor, a monster." I hobbled towards her. They couldn't find out about my leg. Not yet. Not until they'd accepted my past. If only I wasn't still a traitor, a monster."

The click of a bullet echoed in the room. "One more step and I'll shoot you." I looked to see Steve with a gun in his hand - the barrel aimed at me.

All of the Avengers hovered on the edge of their seats, eyes glued one me. Brilliant.

I put my hands up. "Friendly gesture there, Cap. I won't hurt her, she knows that - I know Sharon knows that." 

"You didn't think to tell me?" Sharon's voice was full of disgust and hurt, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "I'm your best friend, Zoe."

"What was I supposed to tell you?" I glared at Sharon. "Tell you that I was in the army which I had no idea were operating for HYDRA? That all of the people I killed at war were killed because of HYDRA, I had no clue they were giving the orders. I was just another person caught amongst the crossfire along with the innocents. When I finally escaped, how was I supposed to tell you that I worked for an organisation that ended millions of lives? How could I tell my best friend that I was part of something so evil?" The lies, they spilt so easily from my mouth. It was true at certain parts I suppose.

Sharon kept my angry gaze, her gaze softer. "You mean didn't-" 

"No I didn't wilfully join them. What idiot do you think I am Sharon?" I sighed, arms crossing my chest. The truth was I was an idiot, I did wilfully join them. All of it was lies. Every single god damn word. I felt it in my chest then - hatred, hatred for HYDRA and what they did to me, but most of all hatred for myself - the lies, my leg, my past, my choices - how could I do this to Sharon? The answer was like a whisper which made goosebumps raise on my arms: because you're a monster.

"How do I know you're not working for HYDRA now?" Sharon whispered, never letting my gaze go.

Blue eyes analysed my every move. Bucky. How could I have been so stupid he probably thought I'd come for him, to take him back. My own selfish actions had caused a rippling effect for others. I was so stupid...

"You'll just have to trust me." I kept Shannon's gaze. "I didn't lose my leg to fight a war with HYDRA, I lost my leg fighting a war against HYDRA. I lost everything to escape HYDRA and I can assure you that wasn't for nothing. I promise you I didn't lose everything to serve under a dictatorship."

"I'm so sorry." Sharon shook her head, stepping towards me and pulling me into a hug. 

"It's not your fault." I shrugged, hugging her back. "You can't trust anyone these days, even if they are your best friend. I'm sorry you had to find out this way I wish I could have told you, I really do." 

"Do you trust me?" Sharon stepped back from me, a single tear trailing down her cheek. 

"Do you trust me?" I asked her back, searching her brown eyes. 

"Yes." She didn't even hesitate with her answer. Her eyes full of trust as she looked up at me. Why?

"Then I trust you. I've always trusted you Sharon, and that will never change." I sat back down, all eyes on me. Even if one day I'm the one you're shooting down. I so badly wanted to say it. So badly needed to tell someone about HYDRA and all they did to me. But I couldn't. I couldn't let anyone over the walls I'd built so high. Anyone. Someone could betray my trust again, torture me again, let me down again. 

Silence swamped the room as Sharon sat down. Everyone looked away from me, staring at random objects around the room. It was an uncomfortable quiet to say the least. 

Blue eyes no longer stared at me, they glared off into the corner of the room. Bucky's jaw clenched and his neck muscles leaped. He was tense and it was my fault.

"Shawarma anyone?" Tony broke the tension in the room, standing up. Thank god. 

"Please." I nodded, grateful for the interruption.

"I'll come along too," Sharon mumbled. "I need some air." 

After Tony, Clint, Thor, Pepper, Jane and Sharon left, I sat uncomfortably surrounded by Fury, Steve, Natasha, Sam, Wanda, Vision, Bruce and Bucky. There was no chance of an escape with the eight of them here.

"You should of told her sooner Zoe." Steve shook his head at me, blue eyes giving me a piercing glare. His muscles rippled under his shirt and his knuckles clicked.

"Oh yeah, when?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. "Just a quick phone call to say hey I was part of HYDRA, surprise. Certain things should not be told over the phone, Captain." 

"Okay, okay." Steve put his hands up. "It's just you hurt her feelings."

"Right..." I rolled my eyes. "Besides it hurt me just as much as it hurt her, if not more. The one person who has stuck with me through thick and thin and I kept a massive secret like that from her. I'm questioning my ability as a friend right now, as Sharon's best friend. Believe me, I'm feeling the guilt right now." It's practically suffocating me.

"You sure you don't work for them?" Fury asked me, looking over his sunglasses. His eyes pierced through me. I couldn't flinch or hesitate otherwise he'd know I was weaving one massive lie.

"Positive." I kept his gaze long enough to prove innocence before I cast my gaze to out of the window. "Why would I work for the bastards which killed my brother-in-law and millions of innocent people? Besides there's only a few left in the woodwork now since S.H.I.E.L.D's cleansing. Why be part of an organisation on the top of the ash heap?" 

"You've made your point." Fury nodded his head at me, tapping away on his tablet. He was obviously looking at my history, searching for any discriminating evidence. 

"Unfortunately," I muttered as Bruce checked my heart rate once more with a stethoscope.

"All clear," Bruce smiled at me. 

"Thanks, I'm sorry I hit you." I touched his arm. 

"It's alright." He shrugged. "It's nice to see I have everything under control." I wish I did.

"Yeah, or I would be puny human right now," I laughed. 

A heavy silence settled around us. Talk about awkward... So much silence.

"I'm bored," Sam announced, looking to me.

"Arm wrestle?" I leant forward. Anything to take my mind off of what had just happened.

"Seriously?" Sam sat up, leaning on his knees. "What are we? Kids?"

"Awwww... Are you afraid you might lose?" I stuck out my bottom lip.

"No. I just-" 

"Chick-chick-chicken." I mimicked a chicken wings with my arms. "You're not the Falcon, you're the chicken."

"It's on." Sam was up and kneeling by the table. "You're so gonna lose, Brit."

I swung over to him. "Prepare to lose." I knelt down, forcing my right leg to bend. 

"You okay?" Sam asked, watching me. It was odd, he genuinely seemed concerned.

"Fine," I smiled, kneeling across the table. "But I better win otherwise I'll have to get up." I flexed my fingers, clenching my bicep underneath my denim jacket.

"I've gotta touch you." Sam leaned back, snickering.

"Ewwww..." I leant forward and poked him in the chest. "Zoe germs, no returns." 

"Idiot," he muttered, putting his elbow to the table. 

"I'll referee." Natasha stood beside us. 

I took the Falcon's hand. His grip was warm against my hand, his brown eyes staring into mine.

"Go!" Natasha laughed. 

I started pushing his hand down. 

"Damn it gal!" Sam started to frown. "You're stronger than I thought." 

"You're weaker than I thought." I pushed my hand harder against his hand. I could easily have won by now - one bonus of what HYDRA did to me. One of the only bonuses.

His hand was so close to touching the table.

"Hey! Not so fast." The Falcon pushed back against my hand, his bicep tensing even more.

"No," I whispered as his hand hit the table. "I win, chicken." I let go of Sam's hand, smirking. "You could of at least tried, Sam."

"Yeah, yeah, I let you just let you win, gal." Sam stood up returning to his seat.

"My turn." Bucky wore a lop-sided grin. Oh hell no.

"Right hand," I quickly announced. 

"What? I don't think so." Bucky laughed. "You just used your right, you need to give it a rest. I chose left hand." Damn it. 

"Are you sure? I mean if I win it's going to be super embarrassing for you." I shrugged, watching Bucky as he casually strode across the room and kneeled across from me. In all honesty I was crapping myself.

Sam got up laughing hard. "Oh I'm refereeing this one, Tash." 

"Well? What are you waiting for? An invitation?" Bucky grinned, a deep laugh escaping his lips. He placed his left elbow on the table, the lights glinting off of his arm. Bucky flexed his fingers. 

Steve laughed. "I'd give up now, Zoe."

I rolled my eyes, taking Bucky's bionic hand. "I'll give as good as I get, Sarge."

Bucky laughed again, lightly squeezing my hand.

"Go!" 

I knew it was no use but I pushed Bucky's hand. 

Bucky just smirked at me, his grip light as my hand made it's way to the table. "Gonna give up?" He asked.

"No." I frowned, keeping his gaze. My hand was centimetres from the table. "Not yet."

"Sure?" His blue eyes were bright, as I looked up from our joint hands.

"Yes, I am." I kept his gaze, pushing on his hand harder.

"Okay." Bucky smirked before gently making my hand tap the table. "I win." 

"Like I stood a chance," I muttered, pushing myself up. 

Both men reached for me. "Here let me-" 

"I can do it myself." I pushed the two men's hands away. I stood up. "See, perfectly capable thank you very much."

"Well I do have eyes so yes." Sam shrugged, walking off. 

"You don't say Watson," I called after him. 

He spun round. "And you are?" 

"Sherlock obviously." I rolled my eyes as Sam literally collapsed on the sofa. 

"Shawarma's here!" The lift opened revealing the others. 

"Food," I sighed, hobbling over, everyone behind me. 

"I'll be sitting next to you," someone whispered in my ear, their breath warm. Every single hair on the nape of my neck was now standing up. Danger.


	6. Push

"Okay." I nodded, hair falling into my eyes. I couldn't exactly say no. It was Fury standing behind me. He obviously wanted to talk to me about something. That something being HYDRA or maybe hair products...

It wasn't Bucky... I couldn't stop the sinking feeling in my stomach. Just because he was good fun, nothing else. Someone who understood. Nothing more, obviously. I wasn't getting close to anyone here, I would only get torn away from them. Get them hurt or worse killed.

Fury stayed silent through out half of the meal - everyone did. Eating their food in a steady silence. Sharon didn't look at me, her left hand under the table along with Steve's. They were holding each other's hands... They were definitely an item. 

I sat, pushing my kebab around the plate, hair surrounding my face. "What do you want?" I caught Fury's gaze, staring him down. It was now or never. No one else payed attention to us, talking amongst themselves over their food as soon as I spoke. 

Fury looked to me, setting his fork down. "What do you know about HYDRA?" 

I chose that time to conveniently eat my food. I chewed slowly, the spicy taste of the kebab tingling in my mouth. 

"Miss Frost, I asked you a civil question." Fury nodded his head. 

"You know all I do about HYDRA, nothing more or nothing less." My voice didn't shake or change in pitch. Years of lying had seen to that, training to be an assassin since the age of sixteen. 

Fury lifted up his fork, picking up a piece of food. "Your sister works for us." 

I choked, slamming my fork down on the table. "Wait, what?" 

"Rebecca Frost works in S.H.I.E.L.D's science division - I thought you knew. She is your sister after all," Fury announced, taking a mouthful of his dinner. He looked a little too smug about the bomb he'd just dropped on me. Bastard.

I pushed my plate away. "And I should care about this information because?" 

"You're her sister, you should care." Great, now everyone was looking at me. Thanks a bunch Fury.

"Her sister who she hates," I scoffed, gritting my teeth. My knuckles grew whiter on the edge of the table and my right leg tapped to an unsteady rhythm.

"Why does she hate you?" It was Bruce asking the questions now. 

"She thinks she's dead," Fury announced. "Miss Frost had someone tell her sister she died in action."

"Missing in action actually," I snapped, staring at Fury. Damn, I wanted to hit him.

"You didn't tell her?" Sharon asked, putting her fork down. Her brown eyes looked sad again.

I looked away from Sharon. "It was better that way. It is better this way." I glared at Fury. "Better for everyone."

"How?" Wanda looked away from Vision, her blue gaze on me.

"Telling my sister I survived but her husband died? Out of the two of us I can assure you that Aaron was the one my sister wanted to see return home, not me." I looked away from everyone, staring out of the window into the night sky. "I can't tell her that I couldn't do anything as I watched her brother be shredded to pieces by bullets and that they spared my life and not his."

"You have to tell her you're alive." Bruce shook his head, watching me. "I saw her reaction when I was in the science department - she fell apart when both letters came through to say her husband was killed in action and her sister was missing in action. The soldier who delivered the news may as well have just stabbed her in the chest the way she looked that day."

"Please, I do not need goody two shoes having even more of a vendetta against me," I snapped. "I'm sure she's perfectly happy without her little sister."

"And you're not a goody two shoes?" Fury glared at me with his one good eye, which was even more disturbing than if it had been two.

I shivered, turning away from him. "I suppose you could say I'm the opposite."

"She told me why you joined the army," Fury said, taking another bite of his kebab. "I Skyped her after our little conversation this afternoon." 

"You mean how her husband told me I needed to sort my life out and do something good for once, so of course he said join the army. Yeah I remember and I don't regret it, it was the best decision I ever made. I enrolled with him. But what you don't understand is that me and my sister have a history of arguing. She just disagrees with every single thing I do." I rolled my eyes taking a drink, ever since the accident... No, I was not remembering that.

I could feel Fury's gaze still on me. "Well you better stop arguing and agree." 

"Why?" I had a feeling I already knew the answer as I looked back to Fury.

"Because she's coming here tomorrow." Fury looked away from me.

"You didn't even think to ask me if I wanted this? I have enough to deal with - readjusting to normal life, dealing with post- traumatic stress. And now my sister is going to be here -" I stood up, slipping my crutches on, leaving my dinner uneaten "- you're a bastard Nick Fury. I'm leaving." I was so god damn angry. My body practically shook with my rage.

"Where are you going to go?" Sharon's voice called from behind me as I got into the lift. 

"I'll let you know when I find out myself." I gave her a small smile as the doors began to close. "It was great seeing you, Sharon. I wish it could of been longer, but I just... I can't." 

"I understand," Sharon mouthed, nodding. She still looked sad but at least she didn't push me any further.

The lift doors clicked shut. I didn't hit the button, instead I tried to compose myself. So this was it, I was back on the run. Alone. If I'm honest, I hadn't expected it to last this long anyway. It had been nice while it had lasted though, to feel like a normal human being, not a monster. But a monster can never exist in the open for too long without being seen for who they really are, before being forced to return to the shadows. I bowed my head, staring down at my worn shoes - scuffed from so much walking, from so much running. The lump in my throat got bigger. I was so sick of running. But it was the only thing I could do. Run as far away from everyone as possible and hope there was no one that followed me. I hit the ground floor button waiting for the lift to move. 

A button pinged on the outside before the doors were forced open by a metal hand. "I'll make sure she's safe, Sharon." The doors opened wide enough for the Sergeant to slip in before they closed again. Shit. What was he doing here?

"What are you doing?" I asked, moving away from him to the corner of the lift. "You don't need to be here, so why are you?" My words were harsh and clipped, I didn't want anyone near me right now.

"Guess." Bucky smirked - a lop sided grin which definitely made me think he was a ladies man in the 1940's. Actually no, the grin confirmed he had a storm of ladies in the forties and even more once he got his sergeant's uniform. He didn't seem to care about my hostile glares or voice. "Go on, just take a wild guess."

"You're here to piss me off even more than Fury has." I leant against the wall, running a hand through my hair. The anger it was still fresh in my veins, making my heart pound. I hit the ground floor button again. The lift began its descent down.

"Is that so, doll?" His grin widened. Idiot. "Your language is appalling, you should be ashamed of yourself both just now and at the dinner table. Steve didn't look too impressed and I swear he whispered 'language'."

"I don't care and besides I am not a doll. I am not made of plastic and I do not braid my hair and I don't wear stupid outfits. And I most certainly am not called Barbie," I argued, crossing my arms over my chest, still staring at the floor.

"So you're action man then?" Bucky laughed, taking a step towards me. "I've been researching modern culture lately."

"So that must make you Barbie then?" I asked, peering up at him through my fringe. 

"I don't know." He grinned down at me. "I guess I could fit into a sparkly pink dress and still look fantastic."

"It would compliment your eyes," I laughed, my muscles less tense. The lift pinged as I swiftly left. My crutches tapped quickly on the foyer floor as I headed for the door.

But of course Bucky was right by my side, opening the door for me. "Doll, you're not gonna lose me that easily." 

"If I don't try and lose you will you stop calling me, doll?" I asked swinging through the door.

"I suppose, if you're good," Bucky's voice answered right in my ear. I shivered taking a right, heading for the park. I needed some fresh air. 

"A park?" He laughed. "In the dark?" 

"What? Is poor Barbie scared and a poet?" I dodged a pushchair.

"Nah doll, I'm not." He put his arm though mine. Again with the stupid nickname. 

"You should be." I pulled away from him. 

"Why?" 

I stopped, looking back at Bucky. His smile had drooped slightly and one of his eyebrows were raised.

"Because I'm going to get really annoyed if you don't quit the nickname." I raised one of my crutches. "Do you understand, Sergeant?" 

"Yes ma'am." Bucky saluted, laughing.

I turned away from Bucky. Two women were now walking towards us, eyes hungrily drinking Bucky in. Their dresses barely covered their arses, their faces well... Was there a face behind all of that make up? Really? I started to laugh. 

"What's wrong?" Bucky asked. 

"Nothing much." I grinned as one of them approached. 

"Hey." She smiled at Bucky.

"Hey." Bucky smiled back.

"I'm Sally." She twisted a lock of hair around her finger. 

"Bucky." Bless him, he looked somewhat uncomfortable right now. Where had the confident ladies man gone from earlier?

"The Bucky Barnes?" She asked, batting her eyes. 

"Yeah." Bucky looked down, staring at the pavement. He'd rushed out of the tower and hadn't grabbed a jacket. His bionic arm was on full display for the whole world to see. The city lights through the trees glinted off of the metal, highlighting the arm even more. Ever since I arrived he'd always use his other hand, pretend his other arm didn't exist. Just like me with my leg... His awkwardness was my fault.

Sally the slut glared up at Bucky. "You're a monster, all those things you did." Wow, now that was just out of order. 

"Hey bitch." I poked her leg with my crutch reminding her of my existence. "Keep your opinions to yourself." 

"Freedom of speech, Brit," she snapped at me, turning around. "It's only the tr-"

I grabbed her hair. "That won't help you when I cut off your tongue," I hissed into her ear. "You won't be speaking at all, let alone freely."

"Ahhhh! Get off! Get off!" She pulled forward. I let go. A lamppost was conveniently placed in front of her. Smack. Her once pretty face collided with it. 

I held back a laugh. "Oops."

"You're crazy!" She cried, running after her friend. 

"Yeah, you got that right, she bites!" Bucky called after her. 

"Thanks," I muttered, entering the park gate, laughing. 

"No. Thank you." Bucky's blue eyes held mine as he used his right hand to stop my movement by putting it in front of me.

"For what?" I went to swing away, unable to hold his gaze. 

A hand grabbed my bicep this time. "Standing up for me." 

"Funny pun there," I laughed, trying to stop my racing heart. 

Bucky just grinned at me. "I mean it, doll."

I stepped back, unable to from a coherent sentence. He would not be thanking me if he knew who I really was, where I was really from. I tried looked away from him - pushing him away was the best option, he couldn't get close to me - but I just couldn't look away.

"You know what, I'm hungry." Bucky's eyes never left mine.

"You didn't have to follow me," I muttered. Unfortunately he heard. 

"You still complaining, doll?" Bucky chuckled, walking beside me.

"Yep." I swung up to a lone vending machine. "What do you want?"

"Wow." Bucky shoved his hands in his pockets. "What do you like to eat?" 

"I'm not hungry," I said, getting my money out of my pocket. 

"Yeah right, you had half your dinner, you're hungry." Bucky stared down at me, raising an eyebrow. "A woman hungry is just as bad as a woman scorned in my experience."

And right on cue my stomach grumbled. Great. 

"Told ya." Bucky winked, leaning his arm on the vending machine.

"Fine," I muttered, pointing at a double decker. 

"Go for it, doll." 

I put my money in and pressed the number for the chocolate bar, which involved getting rather too close to Bucky. He smelled good, like really good - most likely Paco Robanne one million cologne. The vending machine grumbled before hey presto there was a double decker nestled at the bottom of the machine by the time I'd moved away from him.

Bucky leant down and took it out, examining the packet. His hair had fallen into his eyes, disrupting the perfect blue.

"It's a chocolate bar, Bucky," I said, taking it off of him. I ripped open the packet, handing him one part of the bar. 

"Thanks, and I know," he said, taking the half of the bar and shoving it in his mouth. The whole thing - gone. "We had them in my time." Or at least that's what I think he said through his mouthful of food.

"Greedy," I mumbled, finding a bench in the lamp light. 

We sat in silence for a while, watching the traffic and hum of the night life. And for once, for once I didn't feel like I needed to make a noise. The silence didn't feel awkward. It felt natural listening to our breaths amongst the Manhattan night life. The rush of traffic and the hum of people rushing around the city. I nibbled on my chocolate bar, watching people rush past. I was far too aware of the small gap between Bucky and myself, one wrong move and my right leg would be touching his leg. My bionic leg. 

I don't know how long we sat in silence but it was peaceful. My anger at Fury slowly faded away and for once I didn't feel on edge. Our breaths slowly became white puffs in the night air, the stars casting their own light upon the earth.

I'd just about forgotten about the incident in the tower and pushed my sister to the back of mind, until Bucky spoke "Zoe, why does your sister hate you?" He'd stayed quiet until then, his question out of the blue. 

I sat silently, twisting my crutch. 

"I mean you don't have to tell me, but hate is a pretty strong word. She's your sister, blood is thicker than water ever will be." Bucky watched a cab drive past.

"I'm the reason she's in a wheelchair," I whispered into the night. The lamp light above us flickered. I blinked rapidly, swallowing the lump in my throat. Pressure was on my knee, a thumb drawing circles on my jeans. Somehow the movement was soothing and I continued to speak. "I wanted her to come to a street race with me, I begged her actually. She... She gave in eventually and came with me. There was a crash. I was trapped and unconscious, in a coma for two days. Becky..." My voice croaked at her name. "Becky was flung across the road. She was paralysed and it was all my fault." I pulled my sleeve over my hand, wiping my eyes with it. "I'm the reason she's paralysed." I buried my face in my hands. "She should hate me, I deserve to be hated." I didn't know whether my sister hated me but she should, the minute I got the chance I joined the army and left her alone because I couldn't bare the sight of her. The sight of something I'd done.

The hand disappeared. I was being pulled against someone, an arm around me. My right leg touched his and his metal arm was over my shoulders. "Hey, don't cry, doll," was mumbled into my hair. Bucky's warmth spread through my arm. "There's no use crying over spilt milk." 

"I'm not crying." I hiccuped. "My hay fever's playing up." I sat up, pulling away from him. 

"If you say so..." Bucky's hand slipped from my shoulders, all of the warmth travelling with it.

"I didn't say you could let go." I hiccuped again needing the warmth back, besides he was the only thing holding me together at the moment. 

"You're a little dictator aren't you," Bucky chuckled, putting his arm around me again. 

"Not normally," I said whilst rubbing any remnants of tears away with my hands. "Well not five percent of the time..."

"Only to me it would seem." He rubbed my shoulder. 

"Yeah, well," I shrugged. "Someone has to put you in line."

"Yeah, well I probably deserve it." Bucky half heartedly laughed. "That girl was right." 

I looked into his blue orbs, taking his left hand. "No you didn't and never will deserve to be called a monster. She was wrong, you're not a monster, James. You were brainwashed, you had no choice. You were a victim of war. Me on the other hand - I had a choice - I chose wrong. I have far more sins than you. You were a good person before, I've always been a bitch right from the start." He had no idea how right that was, how I chose to forget everything, only to remember again.

Bucky squeezed my hand. "I'm not going to judge you on who you were before, as you said the past is painful, no doubt about that, but it's over and we're currently in the present, doll. So let's just focus on the choices we're about to make in the future because you can't change your past no matter how hard you try." Another squeeze. "And believe me you don't want to push your sister away, people who care they're what you need, and if they really care they'll keep coming back, no matter how hard you push. Trust me I know, Steve wouldn't stop so I just let him in, in the end - it was the best thing I ever did."

"You say it like it's easy..." I mumbled, resting my head against Bucky's shoulder. His cologne washed over me, mixed with the smell of metal and something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"Speaking to people is never easy, getting it off your chest, but once you've done it, it feels a lot better." Bucky's metal hand held my own - my pale skin a stark contrast to the pale metal of his arm. Stark had made him another one after the incident in Russia - they seemed on good terms for now. The King of Wakanda had given them the precious vibranium for a better, stronger arm. 

I looked up to Bucky, scanning his face. "Why did you follow me?" 

He shook his head, a piece of hair falling into his eyes. "In case you did something stupid, something you'll regret." 

"I don't want Becky to see me, see who I've become." I moved away from Bucky, leaning forward on my knees. "I don't want her to care, it's easier that way." The cold night air greeted my skin. Goosebumps rose on my arms, making me shiver. The cold was back.

"I understand that but just give it a try, it's been a while by the sound of things, maybe she's changed her mind about you." Bucky stood up, picking up my crutches and handing them to me. "We should get back otherwise you'll be tired seeing your sister tomorrow."

 

We hadn't been walking long before a group of people outside a nightclub started pointing at Bucky, snickering. None of their features showed any sign of pleasantries or kindness. 

"Hey frosty! Gonna kill me?" A man caught my gaze, yelling at Bucky. 

I looked to Bucky. The sergeant's jaw tensed, pupils rapidly expanding. Bucky clenched his metal fist once before he bolted off down an alleyway. 

I followed him. I didn't even think about it as I swung down the alleyway. Bucky sat on a bin, or dumpster as I think they're called in the US. He glared down at his left hand - anger written all over his face. 

"You left me hanging there, Barnes." I looked up at him, all remnants of the cocky Bucky I had just seen were gone again. He looked scared. His lips were a thin line and his eyes cast at the floor - he'd clammed up. "Hey, don't pay any attention to those douche canoes."

Bucky shook his head, laughing once before his eyes glazed over again. "I fought in a war to protect the world for those idiots."

I shook my head, grabbing onto the bin and clambering up in a not-so-elegant way. "So did I, Bucky boy, so did I."

"Bucky boy?" Bucky sat up, raising an eyebrow. "Really?"

"I'm testing nicknames, I need an annoying one." I took his left hand in mine, lifting it closer to exam it. "Tin man? One armed wonder? Metallica?"

Bucky squeezed my hand. "None of those are annoying, doll. I guess you'll just have to keep thinking." 

"I will find a good one, besides you wouldn't tell me they weren't annoying even if they were." I laughed, climbing down from the bin and tugging Bucky with me. "Now, let's go back to the tower, Sarge. And if those idiots start again, I'll give them a swift kick up the arse."

Bucky looked to my crutches, lips parting but at the last second he froze and whatever he was going to say faded away. 

I shook my head. "Just because I'm crutches doesn't mean I'm not bad ass. What you look like on the outside is not always who you are on the inside."

***

Everyone was asleep. We'd gotten back to the tower and gone our separate ways. And now at 2AM my plan was about to go into action. I kicked off my duvet, silently opening my bedroom door and sliding out, briskly walking down the corridor and into the lift. Sunglasses concealed my face, along with my hood.

It didn't take long for me to run to the nightclub, dressed all in black and a dagger in my back pocket. The nightclub was still open, lights flashing and music pounding. I pushed through the dancing figures to the bar. The idiot leant against the bar, downing a shot. I approached him, giving him a warm smile.

"Hey gorgeous," he slurred, staring down at me.

"Hey arse hat." And with that my fist connected with his nose. Operation revenge was in motion.

He staggered back, clutching his face. "W-what?"

"What you said to the winter soldier. Don't you dare talk to anyone like that ever again. Do you understand?" I snapped, grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer. 

The man nodded, eyes wide.

"Good." I put him down and turned on my heel, walking away. Everyone stared at me, watching me walk away. 

"Stupid bitch..." It was so quiet he thought I wouldn't have heard. How wrong he was.

I slowly turned back to face him, tensing my right leg before kicking the idiot directly between the legs. Vibranium met the guys balls for a brief second before I pulled my leg away. The man groaned and fell to his knees, clutching his junk. I walked away, pushing my sunglasses back up my nose. "You don't mess with this bitch, asshole."


	7. Crushed

"Kill him!" 

A little boy was sitting on a metal chair in front of me - innocent. A spongebobsquarepants hat was placed onto his blonde curls and the same bright yellow character on his shorts and shirt. His parents had been killed in the bombing in Vienna at the UN conference for the accords. They had been S.H.I.E.L.D agents. My enemies. 

The boy - he was a warning to the rest of them, those who were to keep coming for us. A warning that HYDRA would prevail - chop off two heads and two more will take their place. 

"Kill him!" Sounded through the room again, the speaker vibrating in the wall. 

I shook my head, hair falling into my eyes as I stared at the boy. My mask concealed most of my face, apart from my eyes. The glass across the room reflected them - a dead green which quickly looked away from my reflection back to the child. 

The boy looked at me, his big brown eyes wide - pleading. "Friend?" He asked. He couldn't have been older than four. The spongebobsquarepants hat had now fallen down his head, hanging over his eyes, threatening to fall off. 

"No," I muttered, my hand reaching for my gun. "I'm your foe."

I had no control over what I was doing, my conscience having long gone. I had to kill him. I had to follow to my orders. The boy had to die.

The little boy scrambled against his cuffs. "Friend," he whimpered, small waterfalls beginning on his cheeks. His bottom lip wobbled and his brown eyes stared into mine, questioning. Why?

"Foe." I loaded the gun, pointing it at him. 

The boy began to scream. I couldn't stand it, the high pitched, innocent noise. Something deep inside of me rattled, told me what I was doing was wrong. It made me flinch for a second before I held the gun tighter. I didn't care he was innocent I had to follow orders. 

A red circle appeared in between the boy's eyes. The spongebobsquarepants hat fell to the floor in front of my feet. His body had become limp. I'd shot him. The innocent scream still echoed in my ears... 

I sat bolt up right. Sweat made my pyjamas cling to my body. I pulled at my shirt, trying to make the tight sensation in my chest fade away. The boy's scream still echoed in my ears. "Just a dream..." I muttered, heaving myself out of bed. At least I didn't scream this time.

Matthew Christopher Thompson. That was the boy's name. I remembered all of their names. How could I forget them? He had been four, not the youngest of my kills. I gripped the bedside table, resisting the urge to punch the wall. Monster. The word circled around in my head - a deafening chorus. A hot tear fell down my cheek, hitting the wood below. I could remember everything - it had come back in dreams, nightmares - piece by piece my memory had come back to create a horrific masterpiece.

I wiped the tear trail from my cheek, heading the bathroom. I paused. Laughter sounded from the direction of the living room. Oh dear, today was... I gulped down bile as I made my way to the bathroom. My watch glared up at me from my wrist, it was already eleven; I'd over slept quite dramatically. 

My little escapade last night had ended with an ambulance and me running through the streets of Manhattan hopelessly lost until I found the tower and returned. Hopefully Friday hadn't noticed my disappearance. Or the news hadn't captured my face. Then again they wouldn't know it was me anyway as they'd expect me to be on crutches. Another lie amongst many. I tried to shrug off the feeling of guilt, grabbing some clothes...

Minutes later I was dressed and ready. Not that I was leaving my room today. I picked up my crutches, heading for the mirror.

"Gonna quit hiding and join us in the living room?" 

I kept walking to the mirror, setting my crutches down and ignoring the voice. 

"Open up, doll." 

I ignored him again. 

"Play the hard way then," sounded outside my door followed by a thud. "I'm breaking the door down, doll."

"For god's sake just come in," I mumbled, tying my hair up and putting my crutches near me. 

"Hey, doll." God dammit with the nickname. 

"Hey, Barbie." I tried to say whilst the hairbrush was still in my mouth.

"You know there's brunch in the living room, you don't have to eat that." I felt him take the hairbrush out of my mouth and holding it.

"Thanks," I muttered, twisting the final part of my hair band. I took the hairbrush from him and dumped it on the side. 

"She's here," Bucky said, crossing his arms, watching me. "Fury hasn't told her yet, that you're here... She knows you're alive though."

I looked at Bucky with pleading eyes. "Any chance of escaping?" 

"I'm actually here to make sure you get there, direct orders from Fury." Bucky smirked at me, flexing his bionic arm. 

"You and your stupid crooked grin." I turned away from him collapsing onto my bed. "Well have fun with that, I'm not coming out of this room," I mumbled into the duvet. 

I heard a laugh before something heavy landed on top of me, someone landed on top of me. "Bundle!" 

I buried my face in the covers. "James Buchanan Barnes, get off of me."

The weight disappeared. Hands circled my waist. I was being lifted. 

"Let go," I yelped, clawing at his arms. It looked like some bizarre reenactment of The Lion King, I half expected the circle of life to start playing. 

"Ow," Bucky growled, glaring up at me. "And no, I won't let go." 

"Why?" I stopped clawing, hanging there.

"Manners." 

"Please put me down, Barnes," I asked politely.

He lowered me down so my feet touched the floor. "Of course, but my name is Bucky, doll."

"Okay," I sighed, slipping on my crutches. "Let's do this. I have one escape route."

"You're not going to war," Bucky laughed, holding the door open for me. 

"Might be," I argued back, swinging into the corridor. 

"I'm on your side." Bucky gripped my shoulder. 

"Thanks," I stopped. 

"Only because I don't want you as an enemy." Bucky smirked at me, cockily walking past me. 

"Asshole," I muttered. 

He moved out of the way to go and sit down. 

There she was in her chair, hair plaited on her right shoulder. A blue blouse on her petit frame and a smart grey skirt. My big sister. She was happily talking to Bruce. "And the super soldier serum lasts in female blood and not male, that's how I found out about it. It's more powerful in the female bloodstream."

"Incredible," Bruce scribbled down some more notes. 

I ignored them, choosing to get a drink instead, my crutches making a soft tapping sound on the floor.

"Zoe? Oh my god, Zoe - you're alive." Becky seemed to choke on her own words, they were full of shock, relief, happiness, anger.

The room fell silent. 

I poured the juice into my glass, turning around with it in my hand. "Yes?" 

"I thought you were..." Becky's grey eyes filled with tears. "They told me you were missing in action, I didn't think you were ever coming back... Fury told me you were alive." Becky shook her head. "How can this be real?"

"I'm real, this is all real - we're not in the matrix." I pinched my arm. 

Becky's eyes fell to my legs, widening. "Why do you have crutches?" Of course, she hadn't seen me since enrolment. 

"For fashion, I like the edge they give me." I rolled my eyes, draining the remnants of the glass and placing it a little too heavily on the side.

"I didn't mean for it to come true I was just angry." Becky was rolling towards me. 

"I don't blame you." I shrugged, swinging past her. 

A small hand grabbed my arm. "Please give me another chance." 

"So I'm not dead to you anymore then?" I pulled my arm away from her. "I distinctly remember you saying I was dead to you forever, you can go die in war like the coward you are. You can't take that back Becky, it's not that easy." I started swinging back to my room. 

"Okay, okay so I can't take it back. I know I can't take it back but please just hear me out. Zoe, please."

I stopped but I didn't turn around. 

"I need to make this right before the end of this week." 

"Why?" I sharply spun round. "What can you possibly say that will reverse everything that's happened between us in the space of seven days?"

Becky kept my gaze, her bottom lip wobbling. "I have terminal cancer." 

Everything felt heavy. Black dots clouded my vision. Everything was swaying. Becky was going to- no. No. Not the one person who actually cared about me. The word cancer was burning my brain. I felt like my head was floating, and the sea was in my ears. I felt sick. 

"Zoe?" I heard a panicked Becky say. "You look paler than normal."

I swallowed trying to open my throat, trying to breath. "Cancer?" The word seemed foreign, distance. 

"Yes." Becky smiled at me. How could she be happy at a time like this? 

"Nothing much -" I swallowed again "- Nothing much fazes me, but this... This has." My crutches were the only thing keeping me up right now. 

"I have a week to live, to laugh, to cry." Becky seemed very far away now, at the end of a dark, narrow tunnel. "And I want to spend those seven days with you, trying to make you forgive me even if it doesn't work." She sounded like she was underwater, slowly being dragged further away from me.

The black dots were now mostly in all of my sight. My head hurt. The ground was getting closer. My legs gave way. My crutches made a crashing sound as they hit the floor. I closed my eyes waiting for my head to make the same sound. Nothing. I was in someone's arms. Safe. The dots crowded my vision, darkness swamping my vision...


	8. Falling

"You shall be alone when this war ends, alone and therefore free." Pierce stood in front of me, blue eyes cold. 

I was pinned to a chair about to get shocked after my latest mission. Metal bit into my skin, the chair stiff and uncomfortable underneath me. The room was freezing - the colour, the temperature, the atmosphere. Everything about it made me shiver ever so slightly, just so they wouldn't notice. I couldn't remember anything, why I was here, who I was... I just knew how to kill, to survive.

"I'm alone now," I whispered, watching those around me. Armed guards, two scientists preparing equipment.

"No you're not, there are others like you." And right on cue a long haired man with a mask walked past, a frown creasing his face. The winter soldier. He couldn't see us, but I could see him. His blue eyes glazed over, the metal of his arm glinting in the lab light as he walked topless, flanked by guards.

"I knew him," he muttered, blue eyes wide. He was remembering his past life.

"You don't know Captain America," one of the guards snapped. So he had remembered. The one thing HYDRA never wanted to happen, it meant that they had lost control.

"You shall be better than him." Pierce's voice brought me back and I looked to him. He smiled at me - a grotesque thing which cracked across his face. "You shall be the best, soldier."

I relaxed in my chair, the foul taste of a gum shield meeting my mouth. I gritted my teeth awaiting the pain. A cry sounded not that far away, the soldier was screaming too. Yet me and him were not alike in the slightest way. I would be alone forever. I wasn't innocent before this and I wouldn't be at the end. The pain started, volts screaming through my head. To be alone is to be free...

 

"She was always getting into trouble." That laugh... Becky. It was Becky. My sister. My dying sister... No. It hurt, the lack of control, the pain. I pushed the startling news to the back of my mind. I couldn't lose her, I only just got her back.

"Rude to talk about people behind their backs," I mumbled, still finding comfort in the darkness under my eyelids. 

Becky giggled. "Speaking of backs, do you still have that tattoo Zo?" 

I sat up, rubbing my eyes, before glaring at my sister. Trust her to bring up that mistake - Romanian vodka was not my friend before the serum. 

"I'll take that as a yes. I don't even see why you got it there, I mean no one's going to see it." Becky sat in her chair, raising a perfect eyebrow at me.

"It's on my lower back, not anywhere stupid. Besides I was drunk, my decisions were a little skewed." I argued, shaking my head. My most recent dream was far too real at the moment, my head ached as if I'd been shocked again. The memory was from years ago, Pierce had been dead for years now. My heart still raced ever so slightly, my head throbbing.

"And you wore a bikini or exposed a lot of flesh when exactly?" Becky glared back. 

"Since I became a stripper," I muttered, yawning. "Only at the weekends though, I'm busy being a cripple the rest of the week."

"Funny. I need to talk to you outside." Becky took my hand - which looked like a giant's compared to hers - ignoring my sarcastic comment. She always did ignore them. Her hand was remarkably warm in mine, comforting. Comfort... Now that was something I hadn't felt in a long time.

"To the balcony?" I asked, grabbing my crutches and standing up.

"But you're scared of heights, Zo." Becky laughed. 

"Falling actually," I corrected her. "There's a difference."

"Perfectionist," she taunted me, rolling backwards and spinning around. I followed her out of the door. 

"Rebecca?" Bruce stood, his glasses crooked on his nose. A tablet was in his hands, screen bright.

My sister looked to Doctor Banner. "Yes?" 

"The serum I've regained some of it." Bruce was practically bouncing. "Only problem is it'll take years to formulate into something we can use." 

She couldn't tell him. Please, she wouldn't, she couldn't. She couldn't tell them what I was.

"Looks like you'll have to do it for me." Becky smiled, nudging me with her chair to go.

I stood on the balcony, snowflakes falling from the sky.  I stuck my tongue out giggling. I didn't care if everyone was watching us. 

"Just like old times." I heard Becky sigh. 

"Mmmm..." I put my crutches on the flood and leant over the balcony, lifting my right leg off of the floor, leaving the left one down. The leg I trusted.

"Don't fall." A hand was holding my ankle. 

I stood back, twisting around, catching another snowflake on my tongue. "What did you want to talk about then?"

"You know Sam is pretty nice, but nothing compared to Aaron," Becky sighed, rolling near to the edge. "At least I'll be able to spend eternity with him soon."

I nodded, humming 'Please don't leave me' by P!nk. The irony. "When were you going to tell me? I mean if you knew I was still alive would you have said anything?"

Becky nodded her head, putting her hands in her lap. Her nails were painted a deep blue - each one a perfect length and shape. "I... I would have done eventually, if you weren't on a mission." 

I watched the traffic, the small dots below me - each individual's with lives of their own, lives I could take away with just one kick to the head. I shook my head at my sister, looking back at her. "Mission... They were never missions - being paid to kill people, even if they were bad people... I've never been good. I never will be. Being good now is just telling myself lies that I want to hear."

Becky reached out and tapped my knee. "You were good before you got involved in the gang, the racing and everything else that came with it. You just lost sight of what was good for you, what was good in you."

"It's nice you think there's still some good in me..." I mumbled. "That I actually care."

"When HYDRA gave you the serum it would have amplified your strongest personal traits - you act all cold but it's because you care more. Science says so and you can't argue with science."

I gritted my teeth, turning my head so I didn't have to look at her. "I don't thin-"

"Don't argue you with me, Zoe," Becky snapped - she was definitely angry.

"I'm not arguing, I just know that what you're saying is bullshit." I looked to my sister. "I don't care, if I did care over one hundred people would be alive."

Becky huffed, grey eyes looking away from me. "You're wrong and you know it."

"I'm not talking about this, change the subject, Rebecca." I raised an eyebrow, glaring at my sister.

"I think Bucky likes you." Well that came out of nowhere. Any chance of changing the subject back?

"Thanks for not telling them about my leg, about me." I sat down on the rail. The wind made my shirt billow, my hair fly around my face from the security of my ponytail. If I lost my balance I would fall. I wonder... Would anyone catch me?

"Don't change the subject," Becky laughed. "If you don't want him I'll have him. I mean the guy looks like a god. His blue eyes are to die for and the square jawline, ahhh he's beautiful. How is he not a model?" 

I just sighed, looking inside the tower. Sure enough everyone was watching us. They weren't even being discreet about it. I waved at them, throwing them a grin. Aha, no hands on the railing rebel that I was.

"He was talking to me about you this morning, Zoe." I looked back to Becky. She poked me in the leg. "He said you were funny and understood what it's like being a victim."

"Nah... He's just being nice, he's from the 1940's after all." I rolled my eyes, leaning backwards. Adrenaline flooded my veins, the risk of falling was exhilarating.

"You'll fall." Becky was holding my leg.

"Then I'll just get back up again," I laughed, leaning even further back, ignoring her comment which had obviously been about Bucky and not going over the edge of the balcony. Everyone inside was now watching me, eyes glued to me and not my sister.

"Get down! You're going to give me a heart attack!" Becky pulled my leg making me slip off of the rail. My coccyx harshly connected with the floor. 

"Ow." I grimaced, wincing at the hardness of the floor and then I laughed - the sound abruptly escaping my lips - at the stupidness of the situation.

"Why are you laughing?" Becky was practically crying with laughter now. 

"Because it hurt and it was stupid." I stuck my bottom lip out. 

"You know I think Barbie would jump in front of a bullet for you." Becky had stopped laughing now, watching me again with her inquisitive grey eyes. How much had Bucky told her? 

"Thanks for not telling them about me." I tried to thank her again. 

"You're not ready and neither are they." Becky smiled, putting her elbow on the railing. "One day though... You'll have to tell someone. I remember the phone call you gave me years ago when it first happened, when you first remembered and then they caught you. I'm a super soldier, Becky, and my leg, it's metal. And then a few days later a package with your blood sample came through with the serum in it."

"Yeah, scariest moment of my life." I looked up at her. 

Becky smirked, winking at me. "So Zucky or Boe?" 

"You're shipping us now?" I cast my gaze to the floor, hair falling around my face as it escaped even more of my ponytail. "You're not meant to ship real human beings."

" I don't care, the ship has sailed." Becky's hair fluttered in the wind along with her blouse.

"No, it hasn't." I crossed my arms. 

"Yes, it most definitely has." Becky glared at me, shaking her head.

"No."

"Yes." 

"No." 

Becky shook her head, her hands resting in her lap again, her wedding ring and engagement ring glinting in the sunlight. "Would you not date him?" 

"No." Wait what? Had I seriously fallen for that? 

Becky just laughed, tears falling down her cheeks again.

"What do you want to do?" I ventured into the unknown, looking inside - no one moved, all eyes on my sister and me. "I mean we have a week and I don't want to sit around bickering with you..."

Becky looked up at the sky - her veins were visible in her neck her skin paler than normal. "Skydiving." 

I watched my sister, drinking in all of her details. The way her bottom lip was plumper than her top. Her wonky Cupid's bow and the little beauty mark that was barely visible on her right nostril. And then it hit me, what she'd just said. Skydiving. Hurtling towards the Earth at God knows how many miles an hour to your death. How was that fun? "What?" I finally managed to say.

"Sam said he'd take me..." Becky smirked, crossing her arms over her chest. "And you."

"No, definitely not. And you're not flinging yourself out of a plane either." I shook my head. "It's dangerous."

"Bucky's going." Becky bit her lip. "Imagine how good he'll look in a sky diving suit... Tight fabric and the winter soldier's arse equals Zoe's dream."

"That's not going to persuade me." I stood up, picking up my crutches.

"Oh, you see I've already told him that you'd go." Becky's shoulders shook with her laughter. "You wouldn't want to disappoint Bucky, would you?" 

I swung on my crutches, my legs swinging. "Fine." 

"Yay," Becky giggled. "Let's go!" Wait, what? Who was the older sibling here?

I quickly swung after my speedy sister. What the hell had I just agreed to? 

"Let's go!" Becky beamed, picking up her bag. 

I stood leaning on the door frame, the wind licking my back. I had my arms crossed over my chest. It was best to say I wasn't amused.

"Awwww... Is diddums scared?" Sam smirked, picking up a backpack. 

"No," I snapped. How had they even arranged this anyway?

"Ever skydived before?" Sam tightened his backpack straps, watching me.

"Totally, I once did it nude." I was too sarcastic for my own good sometimes. 

"Okay," Sam laughed, tossing the bag over his shoulders. "I'll just teach Becky then seen as though you know what you're doing."

Becky sat in the lift laughing as Sam joined her.  She looked so happy for someone who had so little time left.

I rolled my eyes swinging into the centre of the living room. "What have I agreed to?" I muttered. "What am I doing with my life?"

"You scared?" Tony asked from Pepper's side, a bag of blueberries in his lap.

"No, just..." I shrugged. "Not a big fan of falling." 

Bucky appeared with another backpack, he had a tight black shirt on, his muscles clearly visible. I mean I obviously wasn't looking, just observing something which could not be missed. That and the way his jawline looked when his hair was tucked behind his ear... Wow, Zoe sort your priorities out. 

"If I die Sharon, I want you to have my... Oh wait I have nothing." I rubbed my crutch on the floor. "You can have my car." I smiled as I entered the lift. 

"You'll be fine!" I heard Sharon laugh as Bucky entered the lift too. Everyone's amused faces disappeared as the lift closed. I studied the patterns inside closely, thinking. 

"So, have you ever skydived before?" Bucky asked, pushing his hair behind his ear.

I looked up at him, laughing. "Nope."

"I'll teach you, doll." Bucky smirked.

"Thanks, Barbie," I mocked him, shaking my head as I reached up and fixed my ponytail, the stray strands annoying me.

"Or I could just let you fall." Bucky's laugh vibrated in the lift as we headed for the ground floor.

"I'd deserve it," I whispered, looking away from him to the lift doors.

"She doesn't hold it against you you know." Bucky nudged my shoulder. "I spoke to her for at least two hours before you woke up."

"I know she doesn't..." I sighed, not looking at him. "That's what makes it worse." 

"What did she say to you outside on the balcony anyway?" Bucky had taken a step closer to me. I could feel his gaze on the side of my face... Good luck trying to get anything out of me.

I shrugged, watching him from the corner of my eye. "It doesn't matter." 

"Okay." Bucky ran his right hand through his hair. "So skydiving..."

The explanation was fairly simple but I had a feeling that doing it was going to be a whole different thing entirely. "Right... Easy as pie."

"You were in the army, you'll be fine." Bucky walked briskly beside me as we walked to the garage.

"But what if I fall?" I whispered, casting my gaze to the floor.

"Then I'll catch you." Bucky's words were so sincere, so passionate. It scared me. I didn't deserve him yet here he was.

 

***

 

We all sat silently in the car. Becky constantly met my gaze and then looked to Bucky, winking, from the front seat. Nudge, nudge, hint, hint. She may as well have just said it out loud.

I looked away from her, out of the window. Fields rolled past us now, vast spaces with little human activity. 

Goosebumps rose on my arms. I had sky dived before...

I fell through the air, wind whipping my face. Goggles concealed my eyes and a mask hid my face. The Stars bore witness to my descent, their light glinting on my gun. 

My target. Their blonde hair fell over their shoulder in waves, spilling across white chiffon - she looked out over the ocean from her balcony so blissfully unaware. I pulled out a gun from my back pocket. I clicked the bullet into place. A red hole now spilt Crimson across the fabric of her dress. Screams erupted on the beach below. 

She fell forwards. Crack. A crumpled mess of white and blonde and pink stained the pavement. I pulled my shoot, landing in the ocean minutes later. It was warm, lapping at my waist and soaking my uniform. The gun slipped from my hand, sinking to the bottom of the ocean. All evidence of her murder was gone...

 

"Zoe? Are you okay?" Bucky looked at me, searching my face. He was touching my knee and I hadn't even noticed, too absorbed in my own memories.

"Y-yeah, just remembering something from war..." I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. 

"I remember falling years ago, from a train and Steve reaching for me..." Bucky shook his head, hand still on my knee. "But it's okay because he caught me eventually when we fell off of a building with a helicopter."

"The bromance is strong," Sam laughed from the driver's seat.

I nodded, letting a small smile creep across my face. Who had the blonde lady been besides another name added to my list of many kills?

***

"Buckle up, Buck."

"Will do, Wilson."

"Seriously guys?" I rolled my eyes, clinging to my straps a little tighter. The Falcon helped Becky stand in front of him, her grey eyes scanning the scenery outside the window.

Bucky stood next to me, eyes on me. 

"What are you looking at?" I asked, leaning on the wall for support. Support I didn't need. 

"You." Bucky smirked. "Don't people in the twenty first century admire art anymore?" He walked over to Sam, so cock sure. 

I rolled my eyes. "Make way, senior citizen coming through." 

Sam burst out laughing, stepping to the door of the plane and opening it. Becky grinned at me before Sam spoke "This is where we leave to let the two lovers quarrel." And with that they jumped out of the plane.

"Ladies first." Bucky motioned for me to go.

"Men just before." I motioned for him to go. 

"Together?" Bucky held out his hand.

I didn't even think the action through before his hand was in mine. He helped me walk and all too soon I was standing at the edge of the plane door, quite literally bricking it. 

"You'll be fine." I could feel Bucky behind me, helping me stand. His breath warm on the back of my neck. Something within me stirred, my heart thundering in my chest. We were doing separate jumps, I was a super soldier for godsake. "I promise, doll." 

"Okay," I croaked, watching my sister and the Falcon fall towards the earth. She was an official nutter. Crazy. Bonkers. Mad.

"Ready?" Bucky's breath grazed my ear.

"Now or never," I whispered, letting go of his hand.

"Go!" Bucky yelled, pushing me out of the plane. 

Air whipped my face, scattering my brain cells and making my eyes run. The bastard. I spun in the air, round and round. Could you be sick falling this fast?

"Woooo!" Bucky yelled, a few inches from me. Blue eyes burned into me, his hair flying all over the place.

"Ahhhh!" I screamed, finally steadying my descent and stopping the sickening somersaults.

"Fun!" Bucky winked at me, his cheeks wobbling. 

"No!" The ground was getting far too close. Oh god I was going to be sick for sure. 

"Yes!" Bucky argued. 

"No!" Yep, I was going to be sick, super soldier or not.

"Free!" Bucky yelled, leaning into the dive, falling faster. 

I had no choice but to follow him. Soaring over the land, chasing him to the ground. We spun around each other, it was easier now - falling. I'd done it enough times...

"Pull your shoot!" Bucky yelled below me, pulling his own.

I pulled it. My shoulders jolted as I began to slow down. Oh shit. This was utterly crazy. The sensation of my heart threatening to explode in my chest far too real.

Bucky hit the floor first, parachute landing to the side. 

I happened to land on top of him. Smooth move, I know...

We were left in a red light from my parachute covering the both of us. Our chests heaved. 

I laughed. This was so ridiculous. "You said you'd catch me," I said, breathless.

"That I did, doll." Bucky laughed, breath fanning across my face. Our faces inches apart. His blue eyes stared into mine. Our lips so close...


	9. Nosedive

Bucky's chest vibrated as he laughed again, minty breath hitting my face. His eyes were intensely blue up this close, no imperfections or hints of green. I had the sudden sensation that I was drowning - unable to stop myself from being submerged by a giant wave. 

I laughed too. It felt strange, it was a miracle I didn't shed dust with the unusual sensation. The only other people who had been able to make me laugh was Becky and Sharon.

Bucky flashed his crooked grin, his blue eyes crinkling at the sides. "You okay?" 

"Yeah, you?" I put my hands by the side of his head to push myself up. I couldn't be seen straddling the winter soldier. Especially a winter soldier who looked like Simba in the Lion King when he was lying on the ground looking at the stars.

"I don't think I can move much." Bucky winced, shaking his head. 

"Oh right." I went to roll to the side of him, leaning on my left leg.

"No don't -" Bucky's hands were on my hips "- I have a slight problem, I can only move..." Bucky reached up to me. I froze. He put his right hand to my cheek, brushing his thumb over my cheekbone. Blue eyes were all I could see. Our lips touched for the briefest of moments under the cover of the parachute, electricity running through every inch of my body. And then Bucky pulled away, looking up at me - waiting. 

I leant forward and pressed my lips to his. Blue disappeared underneath brown lashes. His lips were rough yet gentle as they moved with mine. My eyes fluttered closed. A hand was on the small of my back. I sighed into his lips, I hadn't kissed anyone in years. Bucky sat up straighter. I wound my arms around his neck, pulling him closer; his smell washed over me. It was just him and me. I was only aware of him. His hand on my cheek, his other hand on my back. His chest pressed against mine, his smell, his warmth. Bucky's tongue traced my bottom lip. My heart leapt in my chest.

"What are you guys doing under there?" Sam's voice echoed outside. Shit. He snapped me right out of it. 

I pulled away from Bucky, pushing myself off of him, not sure what to do, the grass digging into my skin. I couldn't look at him, heat rushing across my cheeks. What on earth had I just done?! I should have stopped it. He did not deserve to be entangled with me. I was a mess.

"I can only move my lips..." Bucky whispered, a low chuckle escaping his lips. Those lips which had felt amazing on mine seconds ago...

"And your neck and your hands and everything else," I whispered back. I tried to be angry, have rage in my voice but I just couldn't. Instead I raised a hand and touched my lips, they were warm, swollen almost and sensitive under my hands. 

The parachute lifted. Sam was standing with Becky in his arms. Becky winked at me as she held the parachute up.

"Hello." I smiled, leaning on my elbows, fingers falling from my mouth.

Bucky scrambled up, whilst I tried to regain control of my racing heart. How did I get so lost in him? That one minute of my loss of control would haunt me later, hurt him later. That one selfish moment that I couldn't take back. 

"Doll." Bucky held out his hand, calluses decorating his palm. 

I took it. Maybe he pulled too hard, or I didn't stand up properly, but I somehow ended up hands on his chest, close, again. 

"Thanks," I muttered, trapped by his gaze. Trapped?! Hold up I was not in love. I looked away from him, hoping and praying that my cheeks weren't red. I couldn't get attached, more to the point he couldn't get attached. I couldn't hurt him after all he'd already been through.

"S'alright," Bucky whispered, his hands still holding mine. 

"Right let's go back." Sam smirked at me before walking back to the car with Becky, who happened to be smirking like a cheshire cat. Trust her to play match maker. 

I stepped back from Bucky, slowly taking my hands from his. "I'll hobble back." I turned from him, following the other two. Push him away, that's what I had to do - James Buchanan Barnes could not get close to me. 

One minute I was standing, the next I was over someone's shoulder. Bucky's shoulder. "Put me down!" I started hitting his back. 

"No can do, I'm afraid I want to get home before Christmas." Bucky chuckled. 

Men in black appeared cleaning up the parachutes. They paid no attention to me, or Bucky, eyes trained on their job. S.H.I.E.L.D agents. 

"God dammit James put me down." I snapped, hitting him the back again. 

My arse cheek suddenly stung. He'd slapped my arse! 

"You Bastard!" I hit his back harder. "You're meant to be a gentleman!"

"I'm trying to help you, you know that right?" Bucky kept walking, ignoring my previous comment. 

"I don't want to be helped," I complained, giving up on hitting him. My hair fell into my eyes and blocked my view of the agents as we walked further away. 

"Well tough luck... Doll," Bucky laughed. 

"Again with the bloody nickname!" I slapped his arse. Two could play at that game. 

"Okay, princess." Wait, what? 

"No." I crossed my arms over my chest, the clips from the parachute digging into my skin. "No nicknames."

"You are a royal pain in the arse, doll." He squeezed my legs. 

"No, you are, Barnes." He couldn't squeeze my legs again, he'd notice the difference in texture, temperature - he'd know it was metal. 

"Will you two stop arguing, jeez you're like a married bloody couple." Becky, for god's sake. Really? 

Sam laughed. 

"We're not even a couple yet," Bucky whispered so only I could hear. Whoa, what? 

"What are you saying?" I hit him again, lightly. He couldn't be close already. No. I had to save him.

"Nothing," Bucky muttered.

"Or something." I urged him to continue. 

"Doll, you're officially the biggest pain in the arse I've ever met." Bucky stepped over a puddle, making me sway. 

"I'll take that as a compliment." I stared down at the ground, he wasn't putting me down no matter how much I complained.

"Sassy." Bucky gripped my legs tighter, jumping over another puddle. 

"Stupid." He really was for even talking to me. 

"Sarcastic." 

"S-" I slid down Bucky's chest as he set me down, completely cutting me off. Shame, it was a good comeback as well. 

"We're here, your highness." Bucky smirked down at me, the crooked thing slung across his face so casually. The sun on his face and the wind in his hair and the diving suit made for a pleasant sight - Bucky Barnes was practically the definition of eye candy. He opened the door, holding my gaze.

I was the one who looked away in the end, breaking his gaze and climbing into the back of the car, Bucky following me. 

"That was fun." Becky laughed from the front seat, her fingers in her hair, redoing her plait. Not my definition of fun at all. Nope.

"Enthralling," I muttered, pressing myself as far away from Bucky as possible. The car door was cold against my left side.

"Beware the princess is grumpy," Bucky laughed. 

"Beware Bucky will be dead soon." I glared at him. He just laughed at me. 

"How long have you guys been married?" Sam asked, starting the car. 

"Jealous then Sam?" I caught his gaze in the mirror, smirking. 

"Why would I be jealous?" Sam kept my gaze.

"The bromance? Don't deny it, chicken wings." I looked away from him, laughing. 

"Sam, can you move your seat forward?" It was Bucky this time, he was laughing too.

"No." Sam answered, a chuckle sounding from the front.

That conversation had definitely happened before...

***

Everyone was laughing as Becky explained what had happened.

I sat cross legged on a chair in the corner of the room. Phone in my lap. My hair hung around my face, a baggy Fall Out Boy shirt swamping me. All eyes were on Becky as she used her hands to emphasise her story. I let a small smile spear across my face, she always spoke with her hands even on the phone. A funny sight because the person on the other end of the phone had no idea what she was doing.

My phone vibrated against my leg, a text message from an unknown number. "Hello


End file.
